Guys with traditionaly feminine styles

I would like to know what everyone thinks about guys that like to wear longer styles that were and mostly still are considered to be feminine/girls hairstyles. In todays society where women have crew cuts and buzzcuts why is a guy still looked down upon for taking good care of his hair and having it cut and styled in a more feminine style like a bob with bangs. I love the bob style and I currently have a bob that is just below my ears with slight layering and bangs that reach my eyes. I keep getting looks and stares from people and get told that I have a girls hairstyle. It looks great to me and even my stylist said (honestly) that this bob style was right for my face shape etc and that she thought that it looked great. So why is there a double standard in hairstyles? Girls can wear short masculine styles without a second look or thought from people, but guys are bashed for wearing longer, prettier, feminine styles even though the style fits their features and looks great. I don't understand, but I love my hair and I want to grow it into a near shoulder length bob that I can turn under at the ends, pull back in accessories and change the style around but I am hesitant because of what others think. What is a guy to do?

Personally, I think there are a lot of feminine hairstyles that look good on guys. I think guys who are somewhat femine are more attractive than ultra-masculine guys. I mean, how many women do you see swooning over Arnold what's-his-name (the terminatator guy)? But most guys seem repulsed by the idea of being at all feminine or being called so by their male peers. I say, "what's so bad about guys being feminine?", but most men disagree with this. I think a big reason for the double standard is that there is more homophobia and gender policing amoung men than amoung women. Most guys cling fiercly to their concept of masculinity while most women don't care if someone tells them they look like a boy. And women did not win their privileges easily. Girls in the 60's were sent home from school for wearing pants. Essentially, you just have to remember that you know you look good and ignore what other's say until society catches on and becomes more accepting. One more thing: Jade21 is right that there are still a lot of things about which women are looked down upon including crew cuts, body hair, and facial hair.

Jade,If you dropped me a line and I did not respond I apologize. I was not only referring to crewcuts necessarily. In general the lengths of womens hairstyles has shortened over the last 20 years and more women are wearing styles that are boyish (short crops and the like). I agree that some women still get looks for crew cuts, but I think that is in part because they reflect a more masculine image overall. I mean if someone like Pamela Anderson had a crew cut I don't think that anyone would mistake her for being masculine or dikish (could that be a word?). I appreciate the support. I do love my hair in a bob and I take very good care of it. I like the flexibility of a bob because you can change things around. You know, regular, tucked behind the ears, part on different sides or in the middle, and when I feel daring pull my bangs back in a barrette or in a hairband. Again, thanks for the encouraging words. If you have any suggestions or comments please drop me a line.Thanks,Jamie> I have to disagree with you that women with> "masculine" hairstyles don't get second> looks from people. I know the crew cut well. I live> not too far from the Pentagon. I also know a few girls> with the cut. They have gotten stares and rude> comments galore. In addition, I was with a group of my> friends in Georgetown not long ago and the one of the> girls had a crew cut and another a modified> "fade" with a somewhat "feminine"> twist. Some people on the street and in a restaurant> called these women dikes. Such ugliness!> As far as bobs and other traditional female cuts on> males, it's the same. You are something different and> people can't always take that. I have known a couple> of guys with bobs who had beautiful hair. However, for> them, it was merely a transition cut to longer hair.> Homophobia is rampant in our society. People make> erroneous assumptions and rude comments everyday.> Personally, if you like the haircut, keep it:)> Bye for now,> Jade21> P.S. Didn't I drop you a note a while back? Shame on> you for not responding:)> I would like to know what everyone thinks about guys

Serena,I agree that there are many feminine styles that would look good on guys as well as girls. You are also right about the feminine guys part. I will admit that I am a little feminine and I really admire women/girls for their femininity. Guys like me are much more caring, understanding, loving, and compassionate. All of these qualities should be instilled in all people. I love being a little fem. I think that most guys shed away from femininity because of 2 reasons: 1)They are afraid that women will not like them as much therefore not date, marry, or have sex with them. 2)Because all men were trained from birth to be tough, even though many aren't really inside, they are afraid of rejection by their male friends. I must applaud the girls/women who fought for equality. I would like to be able to wear skirts and dresses because they are so comfortable but... I think that people should accept people for who they are not what their hair looks like or whether they prefer to be with them same sex. I have to say it.. I wish that as far a hair, makeup, and clothes go I wish that men were treated equal to women. I could go on but I will wait to hear from you again.thanks,Jamie> Personally, I think there are a lot of feminine> hairstyles that look good on guys. I think guys who> are somewhat femine are more attractive than> ultra-masculine guys. I mean, how many women do you> see swooning over Arnold what's-his-name (the> terminatator guy)? But most guys seem repulsed by the> idea of being at all feminine or being called so by> their male peers. I say, "what's so bad about> guys being feminine?", but most men disagree with> this. I think a big reason for the double standard is> that there is more homophobia and gender policing> amoung men than amoung women. Most guys cling fiercly> to their concept of masculinity while most women don't> care if someone tells them they look like a boy. And> women did not win their privileges easily. Girls in> the 60's were sent home from school for wearing pants.> Essentially, you just have to remember that you know> you look good and ignore what other's say until> society catches on and becomes more accepting. One> more thing: Jade21 is right that there are still a lot> of things about which women are looked down upon> including crew cuts, body hair, and facial hair.

You sound just like a living Ken doll! LOL I'm sure your hair is beautiful, and I hope you are happy with your decision.> Jamie,> I can totally empathise with you. For years I was made> fun of for my feminine features and when I decided to> grow out my hair a bit in high school it only added to> the name calling and such. Teachers would tell me how> beautiful my hair was, but peers would ask me why it> was so long. (it was only just at the tip of my ear,> so not really long, but to them I guess it was).> Anyway, it even started getting a bit wavy and curly> and you can imagine the name "pretty boy"> came up a lot. I remember guys would come up to me and> try to pull it out! Anyway, I got it cut and while I> regretted it I became even more popular because of> this new chic look. I was the first to have hair that> short in my school, and it looked really good, but you> know what? the pretty boy comments didnt' stop. Well I> grew it out again and it became somewhat wavy, then I> would have people stop me on the street and ask me> where I got it permed. Even my mom and other relatives> would be sceptical. But it was all natural! Anyway, I> couldn't take the sneers any longer and as I was going> through a diffucult time in my life I cut it off> again, and again, and again, today , at 20 I realize> that my hair looks best medium to longer length, and I> feel most comfortable, so I've decided once again to> grow it out. I dont' care if I'm going to look like a> Hitler poster boy with the blue eyed blond hair combo,> I don't care if they accuse me of getting a perm or> highlights, because I know that it's natural, it's me> , and it's how I feel most comfortable. The truth is> most guys have trouble growing out their hair and most> have dark, straight hair by my age so of course I'm> going to stand out. I'm not talking about hair down to> my shoulders, maybe just past my ears. In my opinion> too many people , especially guys have the same stye.> It's that short at back and sides, short on top look> that makes us all look so generic. Originality is the> key because it's the original ones who make it> somewhere and the one's who are comfortable being> themselves..it's those people who are able to smile> the most sincere smiles. So, my advice: do what you> want with your hair, because it's your hair, and it's> your self.

blondboy,That is much the same situation. I have not been getting mine chopped off, but I have been getting it cut shorter than I would like it. I don't think that a bob that is just belows the ears is any big deal. It is only hair. A hairstyle does not change the person. I asked my hairstylist to be totally honest about my hair being cut this way ( a bob just below my ears and basically one length except for the bangs which reach my eyes) and she said that it looked great. It fit my face and all that. I love it and it looks good to me. Besides girls are moving toward shorter layered cuts that only guys used to wear. What is the big double standard?> Jamie,> I can totally empathise with you. For years I was made> fun of for my feminine features and when I decided to> grow out my hair a bit in high school it only added to> the name calling and such. Teachers would tell me how> beautiful my hair was, but peers would ask me why it> was so long. (it was only just at the tip of my ear,> so not really long, but to them I guess it was).> Anyway, it even started getting a bit wavy and curly> and you can imagine the name "pretty boy"> came up a lot. I remember guys would come up to me and> try to pull it out! Anyway, I got it cut and while I> regretted it I became even more popular because of> this new chic look. I was the first to have hair that> short in my school, and it looked really good, but you> know what? the pretty boy comments didnt' stop. Well I> grew it out again and it became somewhat wavy, then I> would have people stop me on the street and ask me> where I got it permed. Even my mom and other relatives> would be sceptical. But it was all natural! Anyway, I> couldn't take the sneers any longer and as I was going> through a diffucult time in my life I cut it off> again, and again, and again, today , at 20 I realize> that my hair looks best medium to longer length, and I> feel most comfortable, so I've decided once again to> grow it out. I dont' care if I'm going to look like a> Hitler poster boy with the blue eyed blond hair combo,> I don't care if they accuse me of getting a perm or> highlights, because I know that it's natural, it's me> , and it's how I feel most comfortable. The truth is> most guys have trouble growing out their hair and most> have dark, straight hair by my age so of course I'm> going to stand out. I'm not talking about hair down to> my shoulders, maybe just past my ears. In my opinion> too many people , especially guys have the same stye.> It's that short at back and sides, short on top look> that makes us all look so generic. Originality is the> key because it's the original ones who make it> somewhere and the one's who are comfortable being> themselves..it's those people who are able to smile> the most sincere smiles. So, my advice: do what you> want with your hair, because it's your hair, and it's> your self.

Erica,I greatly appreciate you attitude and view. Really my hair is beautiful and yes I am happy with my pretty below the ears bob with eye length bangs.Thanks> You sound just like a living Ken doll! LOL I'm sure> your hair is beautiful, and I hope you are happy with> your decision.

I hope there are still people out there that want to talk about feminione hairstyles on guys. I permed and colored my hair for years, always had a trim after so it wan't that long. I too wonder why society has so much to say about males having long hair and women with super short. Like earrings and softer colors on guys. I would love to hear from the ladies out there about this subject ttoo.

Serena,  I'm a guy and new to this board.  Just been browsing more than anything and seeing what people have to say about hair.  Going to be 50 next year and have decided to grow my hair long.  Not sure...maybe shoulder length.  Anyway, I think everyone should have a balance in their gender(s).  There is so much in life that a person misses out on because they are strictly "this" or "that".  I work hard everyday at not judging others, whether it be their hair or their actions.  I admit that I am not a macho, muscular dude who watches football and goes out drinking with the guys.  It really doesn't matter to me what those "guys" say about me, and that includes my hair.  Ever since I began growing my hair out(it's been about 3 months since my last haircut), a different part of me is emerging...and I like that part!  This message hasn't been entirely about guys with long hair but it does say something about one's self-confidence going into growing long hair.  Thanks for listening.   

Jamie,  I might have an answer for you as far as clothing goes...a kilt.  I'm in a Scottish bagpipe/drum and brass ensemble.  We wear two different tartans but all have kilts, belts, hats, etc.  We perform at Scottish Highland games.  There are guys with kilts all over the place!  If you remember Mel Gibson in "Bravehart"(the story of William Wallace), he was a longhair with a kilt on.  Have seen Sean Connery in his family's tartan kilt online.  It sounds like you are happy with yourself, as I am with myself.  I'm 6'9" and have decided to grow my hair out.  Don't think anyone is going to give me a hard time.  Also have some Cherokee and Creek Indian lineage so that's a good enough reason for me to honor my ancestors with my hair.  Hope you have a great time with your hair.  Sounds like you have made the right decision.     Michael 

 I will agree with serena ...I think men who look somewhat feminine are the more attractive ones. Maybe that's why other guys give dirty looks cuz they are jealous.
When I met my husband,he had waist length hair and mine was up to my ears in a bob. We went shopping one day and some guy made a comment about how all the guys here have longer hair then their girlfriends. Well,I gave him a little piece of my mind! I think he was shocked I actually said something to him and apologized to me.
I have always prefered guys with long hair. Guys today look like cookie cutter clones of each other and I hate it. Alot are just too lazy to even have a style. (the ones I know are,they dont even want to brush it,so they just shave it all off)
I hope you never let what others think change your style. Do what makes you happy.People give me dirty looks all the time (why I have no idea) and I just give em back,LOL.

Being a feminine straight guy with a chin length graduated bob i think it's great,i'm currently growing out my bob, or i might go for something asymmetric. I only just found the confidence to go out and about with my hair looking feminine about two months ago,i normaly straighten my fringe to the side,straighten the sides and blowdry the back with a round brush to give real volume.It's great to read comments about men with feminine hair cuts and styles,and women that like it ofcourse. If women can have boyish cuts and not get strange looks men should be able to.

THe Yin has to balance out the yang.

No one these days minds much if a straight girl shows some of her masculine side.

But if a straight guy shows his feminine side than he must be gay or  worst transsexual.

I wear my hair in somewhat feminine styles. I get it curled, braided, I put it up in a bun.

[QUOTE=Jamie]...but I love my hair and I want to grow it into a near shoulder length bob that I can turn under at the ends, pull back in accessories and change the style around but I am hesitant because of what others think. What is a guy to do? [/QUOTE]

Yeah jamie, u right, in this context even i had waist long hair and used i used to go with a single long braid, if girls can have short cuts, boys can also braid their hairs and give other feminine long hair styles

Hey Dawn,
Its not that easy. Im have been trying to grow my hair into a fem bob for a long time and every time I start to get close to a short fem bob that I want so bad people rag me about my hair being too long and too fem so I have to get it cut. I wouldnt cut it but my wife protests loudest of all. I guess I wii die never having the chin length bob with bangs that would make me feel comfortable. Any advice is certainly welcomed.

Hi Jamie,

Hey Dawn,

Thank your reply. My hair is thick pretty light brown, center parted and to mid ear from the top and to my earlobes overall with bangs to my eyebrows. I have an appt to get it cut in 3 weeks and I'm looking for pics of a short feminine bob that is full in the back with bangs. I think I will just come out and tell the girl that does my hair that i LOVE fem bobs and that I want one. What are your thoughts? I mean what can my wife say if i get a feminine bob that I CAN'T hide right? Any pics or suggestions or help are appreciated. thanks

Interesting. This thread is just over a page, yet has spanned 11 years and 2 Jamies. I guess every topic has it's niche.

Every guy gets razzed a bit when he first grows his hair long. It's just a fact of life as a long haired guy. Once you stabilize your style for awhile people will get used to and find something new to talk about. I've always found the key is to wear it in a neat, fairly normal looking style (even if it's normal for the opposite gender) that suits your overall appearance well. I've always had an easy time of it because I'm slender with an oval shaped face and long hair tends to look good people like me. My advice to not worry about gender or what people think and just find a look that's best for you.

Ok I went to the salon and straight out told the girl that I want a feminine girls bob, earlobe length with bangs and a stacked back. She said that length and style would look great on me and she cut my hair so that when it grows out a little (about 1 to 2 months worth) it will be a one length earlobe length bob with bangs. Right now its more like a bowl cut with bangs as I let the sides grow longer but the back is there. SOON I will have a fem earlobe length bob with bangs MMMMMMMMM can't wait.

Quite awhile back I wore mine sort of like that. I was sort of tiring of having my hair about elbow length and decided to go for a radical cut. I'd always liked the "wedge" style cut and so I went with that. It was basically a just over the ears banged paige, but with beveling to give it some width. I loved it, though it was a style I'd only seen on women. Later I grew it to below chin length, but kept the bangs. I kind of wanted to go completely blonde with it that way, but compromised and just did some light streaks.

 These days I wear it bangless one-length at almost my shoulders. I kind of miss bangs. They really make your hair look full in the front, hiding your hairline. I may go back to them sometime.

Go Jamie!  You be yourself.  Your spouse will come around, especially if she knows it makes you happy. 

Hey everyone. I went to the salon this past week and got a mani/pedi (with polish) and had my hair cut into a cute feminine earlobe length bob with bangs and clippered nape. I love it. I want it to grow out a little longer and that wont take long my hair grows fast. I had a blast at the salon. Girly stuff is soooo mch fun.

Glad you had a good time, Jamie. That's a great style for a growout, too. It should look good at every length. Long hair obviously isn't for everyone, but is certainly is a pleasure for those of us who love it-- guys included.