Hair Politics - Is it rude to give a compliment?

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Is it rude to give a compliment?

Printed From: HairBoutique.com
Category: Hair Talk
Forum Name: Hair Politics
Forum Description: The politics of Hair is a slippery slope...
URL: /forum_posts.php?TID=8635
Printed Date: Dec 26, 2024 at 10:04am

Topic: Is it rude to give a compliment?

Posted By: phil
Subject: Is it rude to give a compliment?
Date Posted: Jul 29, 2000 at 1:43pm

If I think someone, usually female, has nice or unusual hair I will say so, since I find hair fascinating, but I find that people just don't seem to appreciate it! Even friends and colleagues mumble their thanks shyly and look at the floor, some give a look that says "What's it to you?" I only know one girl who took it as intended. Two recent incidents from my home town of Preston in the UK: A woman I know spotted another lady with a really unusual asymmetrically layered crop, went up to her and said "Excuse me, I really love your hair. Could you please tell me who your stylist is?" Came the reply: "No, it's unique to me and I want it to stay that way. Go away!" And last week I saw a close cropped "skinhead" who turned out to be a female, and she looked completely distraught! The obvious scenario; had all her hair off and instantly regretted it. I wanted to say "Hey, you look ok, really", which she did, but I said nothing fearing a reply on the lines of "Get lost, creep". What a shame that we seem unable to brighten peoples lives with an unsolicted compliment. Or maybe it IS rude??

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phil

Replies: 30

Posted By: phil
Date Posted: Jul 29, 2000 at 1:43pm

Posted By: Natalie
Date Posted: Aug 5, 2000 at 9:11pm

I like people to compliment my hair. I cut if off almost 3 years ago and have been growing it back out for about 2 and a half. I used to wear it up a lot so people didn't know how long it had gotten. I love to hear people comment on what it looks like now. I ran into one of my old hair stylists and she told me that my hair was beautiful. I was happy for the rest of the day. :) I can't wait to see what people say if I let it get longer (which I hope that I can do).!$! Aa

Posted By: Angelpog
Date Posted: Aug 13, 2000 at 1:47am

No it's not rude to give a compliment.....I have thigh length hair....and I love it when people give me compliments...It brightens my day and makes me feel good....

But what I think is rude is when people start telling me I need to cut my hair because long hair is out....I just nicley tell them "Don't think so!" and I tell them that I'm an aspiring Crystal Gayle...and that usually shuts them up.... % @a ` De`% (!0$` /,$ ` ,, -$ %!, , b` $(

Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: Oct 12, 2000 at 7:57pm

Another thought -- an unsolicited compliment is also an unsolicited comment.

Although your intentions are good, I totally sympathize with the women. Perhaps they think you are hitting on them -- after all, you are being very forward.

Also, to me, it draws attention to the outside of a person instead of what's on the inside. And it can make people much more self-conscious, as well. It says, "Hey, I'm paying attention to how you look." That may sound good, but a person may feel self-conscious when she knows she isn't looking her best because she knows you'll notice!

Awhile back, when I cut my long hair short, I HATED it. However, it was a rather drastic change, and several people loved it, and everyone made a huge fuss over it. When someone made a positive comment, I barely smiled and immediately changed the subject. But some people kept going on and on about how much they loved it! Finally, the worst time was when I was doing some volunteer work with a woman who absolutely flipped over my hair. She told me multiple times how "QQQQQQQ---ute" she thought my hair was and didn't I just "love" it? I said no, and she went on and on "complimenting" me on it. But what her words really said to me were, "If you don't like it, then your taste is bad." Admittedly, I'm a bit sensitive when it comes to the subject of my hair, but I was just amazed that people kept going on and on, even when I gave a strong indication that I did not want to discuss it! It was like they were trying to change my mind, and I found it rude.

Although compliments are nice, an unsolicited compliment is indeed an unsolicited comment. And unsolicited comments are, by their very nature, offered without consent or for anyone asking for them. Therefore, I'll side with the European attitude that it is rude to make *any* unsolicited comment about a person's appearance. (Extremely close friends and lovers may be exempt, though!)

Posted By: ames
Date Posted: Jan 27, 2005 at 8:21am

really really old thread here, but worth rehashing..even if just so i can put my thoughts down....

for me, i love getting compliments from strangers...but mainly i only appreciate comments from women...
in general i have found men pay little attention to a woman they don't know unless they have other intentions...and mainly i am not interested in encouraging such attention so tend to just politely smile and go along with my day...
if a woman compliments me that really counts....
( !! ` da`e a ,. `b % 0b ', %-),% -, ! !(bp ).

Posted By: SummerM
Date Posted: Jan 27, 2005 at 8:40am

I like hair complimets too. The only time it would bother me is if someone said something rude to me- cut my hair, whatever.

Frankly I have discovered its women who make the most rude comments to other women- its almost like they can say whatever they want because they are a woman. Rarely do I see or hear of men saying something rude to a woman about her appearance.

Posted By: ames
Date Posted: Jan 27, 2005 at 9:13am

here in south london i get a lot of van-weasels making rude comments...not mean, but you get tired of such gems as.
'cheer up love'.. ' it might never happen' 'phwoar'...'awight dawin!'..
and so on and so on and so on.....
some will even get angry and tell me to 'f**k off then' if i don't respnd..what do they expect really?for me to flash a smile and ask for their number..i don't think so...

( !! ` da`e a ,. `b % 0b ', %-),% -, ! !(bp ).

Posted By: eKatherine
Date Posted: Feb 1, 2005 at 9:05am

Yep, guys can be pretty creepy. It's their inner lizard speaking.

Posted By: HD_EU
Date Posted: Feb 1, 2005 at 11:28am

Yiii, inner lizards - is there a rerun of the show "V" from ages back?

IMO they are just not grown up, boys in the body of a man. Luckily not all behave that way.

Posted By: BlondeJohn
Date Posted: Feb 17, 2005 at 12:32am

I wear long hair, and I try and take care of my straight, mid-back length, dark blonde hair (with the help of my wife, who is very good at detangling and brushing my hair). I use good shampoos and conditioners and go to a salon to trim my split ends in a blunt cut. I feel my hair looks good.
______________________
And I do get compliments from time to time about the length and condition of my tresses, usually from women (which I very much enjoy).
_____________________________
It is usually short haired ladies that give me the compliments. It seems like long haired women do it less.
Maybe the long haired ladies feel like they are in competition with long haired men. Who knows? But they compliment me less often on my long tresses than the women with short hair do.
____________________________________
I always enjoy the compliments, it makes me feel like the effort I put into taking care of my long hair is worth it. And I very much enjoy discussing hairstyles and fashion styles with women.
Women do "hit on me" sometimes, try and get a date with me or pick me up, maybe because they are very into ultra-long haired men like myself. I politely tell them I am married. It doesn't bother me any when they do that really, unless they are obnoxious about it. I regard it as a compliment of sorts.

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Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: Feb 17, 2005 at 11:24am

Hi Hi:

I think its fine to give one a compliment about there hair. I think its very rude to say somthing negitive about ones hair.

The old saying. If you have nothing good to say, then say nothing at all.

To many people give advise. When it is not asked for. It turn, I can be very direct myself. When this happens to me. I turn and and asked them.

When did I ask for your advise? If I wanted your advise, I would ask for it. Other wise please keep your opinions to yourself.

Hugs - Susan!!!

Posted By: VeeDubGirl
Date Posted: May 17, 2005 at 6:54pm

I like compliments on my hair. What I hate though is when people say, "Wow, your hair looks so much better than it did before." Would it be so hard to jsut say my hair is nice without insulting what I looked like in the past?

VeeDubGirl38494.0174884259

Posted By: Katja
Date Posted: May 21, 2005 at 10:00pm

d`*$ B$ ``@h`

I agree.

I love getting compliments on my hair. They give me a little self-esteem boost and make my whole day nicer. But I usually only get them from friends and family members; it might be a little weird to get a compliment from a complete stranger. I wouldn't be totally rude to the person about it though.

*Edited for grammar mistake.

Katja38494.5660416667 $ Ca'ba dbd $!(,`b $4`r .-% !,$ !%!),, `p #

Posted By: Grace912
Date Posted: May 22, 2005 at 8:04am

I don't even mind compliments from strangers, most of the time. One time while waiting for the teller at the bank, this little old lady said, "You have such beautiful dark hair. My hair used to be exactly that color many years ago!" And we ended up having a lovely conversation (and good thing, because the teller was moving slooooowly). !,) A( Had%p (%2$ ` ) 4`p $(!$ )-% !-%,$ ,bb

Posted By: alvin8191
Date Posted: May 23, 2005 at 2:01pm

A compliment is a compliment, be it about your hair, your smile, your eyes, or sense of style. Most of us can tell a sincere compliment from a line of bull. If someone (male or female) is moved enough to pay you that compliment enjoy it! 0 - ic ade`$ %:8`` )2 b` $$ , !,$ )! %0` !

Posted By: LiliBeach
Date Posted: Jul 21, 2005 at 12:41am

I am an old fashioned southern belle and I love compliments......when they are well intended.

I also expect men to hold the door for me when we both reach the door at the same time. Here in the glorious south about 80% of the men do treat ladies with respect and kindness. They even stand up when you enter a room. I always thank them and they smile like gentlemen and say you're welcome.

I have 12 year old boy whom I have taken pride in teaching him these intentions and manners. I always brag on him when he practices these manners. He even lets me hold his arm when we are walking in somewhere, such as church or a nice restaurant, just like a southern gentleman.

This is a lost art in some parts of the country and even looked at as insulting to some women. As for me I LOVE being treated like a lady and I LOVE living in the south!!!

!- A `badera -, , @ )20`p )2$-!) !-,- )!4 r $(

Posted By: Kuroneko
Date Posted: Jul 21, 2005 at 5:12am

I usually hold the door for others, but if someone holds the door for me (male or female) I'm not insulted.

I don't take compliments well, though, because I usually think they're just saying it to be polite or whatever. I rarely find any sincerity in what people say.

! % Aaebade d !, ` . 4``

Posted By: fatmoogas
Date Posted: Aug 5, 2005 at 5:19am

I agree with old world manners too, Lilibeach.

(!% Qa da d`` ) $ br

Posted By: fatmoogas
Date Posted: Aug 5, 2005 at 5:21am

But what's it got to do with hair politics?

Does it translate into a love for classic styles?(!% Qa da d`` ) $ br

Posted By: Kuroneko
Date Posted: Aug 7, 2005 at 11:47pm

So you're into the two-foot-tall white powdered wigs, then?! % Aaebade d !, ` . 4``

Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: Aug 8, 2005 at 8:24pm

# `.$'0@ .da d $
Those "do's" were but a fad, lasting just a sliver of time more than 200 years ago... (I guess we really don't know what style(s) are being referenced)

Posted By: snoopval
Date Posted: Aug 30, 2005 at 12:05am

Phil, i don't know if your still on here or not, but i have to say that as a woman i love compliments, and i am truly sorry at how rudely yours was recieved. I do a lot with my looks, hair etcetera, and when people notice that i'm very flattered, it's ashame now a days, that common politeness is considered rude. The only thing i can say possibly on this womans behalf is as a woman i do get many unsolicited remarks on my appearance and lots of unasked for advice. Maybe this is due to the fact that i'm still in my twenties, but i will have men who are little more than aquaintences tell me they don't like my hair short, or they liked it better red, or blonde. I have had men, when i'm drinking a soft drink who i have never seen before tell me i shouldn't drink that, because it will ruin my figure, so maybe she was just sick of the rude comments, and you ran into her at a bad time.

Posted By: phil
Date Posted: Sep 9, 2005 at 11:26am

Hi Snoopval, yes I'm still here, only not as often. I think your reply confirms that the question can really apply to any aspect of a woman's appearance, be it clothes, shoes, hair or whatever. It is a shame that a person cannot give a compliment without being considered rude, I guess we have just become a more cynical society these days, where at once we used to first look for the good in people, now we assume the bad. On the other hand, maybe there just are more rude men out there which makes women, quite rightly, feel guarded. What is certain is, times have changed. 0 ),

Posted By: LisaSue
Date Posted: Oct 8, 2005 at 11:48am

I recently cut off about eight inches from my waist-length hair. The ends were just looking scraggly and bad and split in general, I can say that the hair didn't look so healthy. Although my hair is hardly short now, it's shorter than it was obviously (but still long enough to have lots of fun with different ways of styling it and putting it up and stuff like that), but people's reactions are so funny. I get a lot of compliments on my hair but people seem so surprised that I'd cut that much off. I do like compliments but find it more amusing to watch people's reactions at a fairly significant haircut.

Posted By: snoopval
Date Posted: Dec 3, 2005 at 7:38am

I agree Phill, our society has gotten a lot colder, and not for the better. I do think it's what i said though about men feeling they can make unsolicited suggestions. Saying i look lovely today is one thing, saying I should have stayed a red head, or that i shouldn't eat that or i'll gain weight is quite another.

Posted By: rapture
Date Posted: Apr 30, 2006 at 5:31pm

I would say those kinds of compliments can be considered rude. A compliment from a strange man feels condenscending. They did not get their haircut for you.rapture38837.7312152778

Posted By: anne6000
Date Posted: Jun 15, 2006 at 11:43am

I think it depends on the situation. A compliment from a friend is always appreciated! However, I think it's veryinappropriate in the workplace or to a total stranger. If someone asked where I got my haircut because they would like a cut in the same way, that's different. My hair isn't unusual, so I'd be very wary of a stranger said something to me. Even if my hair was different, a total stranger would make me wonder why the person said something.0- Ai

Posted By: x-littleme-x
Date Posted: Jun 26, 2006 at 11:09am

I love getting compliments when I try something new. I compliment people if I like their hair too. It makes people feel better as you rechognise the changes they have done. Recently I cutmy hair quite short and I went to school quite nervous. On the way to school I was stopped by a group of girls in my year and they just didnt stop complimenting my new haircut! I was so happy and even though I decided to grow it I know how unsure I could have been if no one had said anything.

I am quite shy and to be honest that time when so many people were complimenting me I said thankyou but I may have not have seemed that grateful as I was quite shy.

Dont stop complimenting because everyone loves a compliment now and again!

Posted By: anne6000
Date Posted: Jun 26, 2006 at 8:05pm

What if no one said anything at all about your new haircut? Would it make you feel bad or remorse since no one complimented you?0- Ai

Posted By: SummerM
Date Posted: Sep 3, 2006 at 9:05am

I don't think those that like compliments are saying that they live their life by them- so if they don't get them it crushes them.

I think those of us that like them are saying- we appreciate when we get them but if we don't thats fine too.

I don't think there is anything wrong with compliments, the contrary, I like them too.

Its too bad that we lve in a world where people are becoming more careful about a compliment for fear of a negative reaction.

Posted By: laidbaqq
Date Posted: Oct 28, 2006 at 3:52pm

I give compliments whenever I see something I like on someone. Would that not be better than just staring at the person? I don't think I have ever had someone reply rudely to any compliments that I have given (and I compliment atleast 3 strangers a day, male or female).

Why would it be inappropriate for a stranger to give someone a compliment? I guess I don't understand because my compliments are only the truth and when a stranger gives me a compliment, I gladly accept it with a smile and 'thank you'.

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