My Boyfriend Hates My Hair
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Category: Hair Talk
Forum Name: General Hair Talk
Forum Description: A free wheeling discussion of hair related topics.
URL: /forum_posts.php?TID=5637
Printed Date: Dec 26, 2024 at 9:48am
Topic: My Boyfriend Hates My Hair
Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Subject: My Boyfriend Hates My Hair
Date Posted: Apr 17, 2002 at 5:16pm
I need some advice. A few months ago, I had my long (shoulder blade length) hair cut into an asymmetrical bob (chin length on one side, over the ear on the other). I had been wanting to make a big change for a long time and finally got up the nerve and am happy I did because I have enjoyed the new style. It`s a bit unique and I like that about it. The problem is my boyfriend. I didn`t tell him that I was thinking of making a change and basically surprised him with it one day. He really liked my long hair, but he seemed to like the new style ok, too. However, after I brought it up, he recently told me that he really doesn`t like my asymmetrical bob and would rather see me cut it short all over and grow it back out. I really don`t know what to do - I`ve been thinking about going ahead and cutting it and letting it grow. After all, I want to look my best for him and it`s not like he`s demanding that I get it cut - he was really sweet about it and told me that it`s my hair and that I should do what I want. I`m just torn, though - I`m only 25 and like having a hairstyle that`s different from the norm. Has anyone else changed their hair for their boyfriend/spouse? Do you think I will resent it later? If I do get it cut, I want to do something that still has an edge to it. Are there any suggestions for a short cut that might really stand out? Thanks for any and all advice!
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Replies: 18
Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 17, 2002 at 5:16pm
I need some advice. A few months ago, I had my long (shoulder blade length) hair cut into an asymmetrical bob (chin length on one side, over the ear on the other). I had been wanting to make a big change for a long time and finally got up the nerve and am happy I did because I have enjoyed the new style. It`s a bit unique and I like that about it. The problem is my boyfriend. I didn`t tell him that I was thinking of making a change and basically surprised him with it one day. He really liked my long hair, but he seemed to like the new style ok, too. However, after I brought it up, he recently told me that he really doesn`t like my asymmetrical bob and would rather see me cut it short all over and grow it back out. I really don`t know what to do - I`ve been thinking about going ahead and cutting it and letting it grow. After all, I want to look my best for him and it`s not like he`s demanding that I get it cut - he was really sweet about it and told me that it`s my hair and that I should do what I want. I`m just torn, though - I`m only 25 and like having a hairstyle that`s different from the norm. Has anyone else changed their hair for their boyfriend/spouse? Do you think I will resent it later? If I do get it cut, I want to do something that still has an edge to it. Are there any suggestions for a short cut that might really stand out? Thanks for any and all advice!
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Posted By: Lyris
Date Posted: Apr 17, 2002 at 10:23pm
Hi! Your hair should be your decision. It doesn`t sound like your boyfriend`s demanding you cut it but really, do what YOU want. You said you want to look your best for him....well perhaps you should try to look your best for YOU. It`s your hair--you have to style it, wear it, live with it. Make sure whatever style you pick is the one that makes you happiest when you look in the mirror.
As for a cool short cut, consider how any given style would look with your face shape/hair texture, and discuss your options with a trusted stylist. I have gotten into the habit of tearing out photos from zines of cuts I like....so when I finally chop my hair off I can hand the picture to my stylist. Until that time, MY boyfriend has to live with my long hair....like it or not. :-) Good luck with your decision, but don`t worry too much about it since it is *just* hair. :--) |
Posted By: duke
Date Posted: Apr 18, 2002 at 1:49pm
Ultimately it`s your hair and you should do what you want with it. But it`s nice if you can
please your girl/boyfriend with your looks. What I suggest, and I repeat that I don`t
believe you are under any obligation, is that you measure how much this style means
to you. If your boyfriend`s being pleased would not make you unhappy, change the
stle. Ask him what he likes - maybe he doesn`t mind it being short, just the assymetrical
part. Is there a symmetrical equivalent to your bob that you`d be willing to try?
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Posted By: duke
Date Posted: Apr 18, 2002 at 1:49pm
Ultimately it`s your hair and you should do what you want with it. But it`s nice if you can
please your girl/boyfriend with your looks. What I suggest, and I repeat that I don`t
believe you are under any obligation, is that you measure how much this style means
to you. If your boyfriend`s being pleased would not make you unhappy, change the
stle. Ask him what he likes - maybe he doesn`t mind it being short, just the assymetrical
part. Is there a symmetrical equivalent to your bob that you`d be willing to try?
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 18, 2002 at 5:04pm
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I can`t really think of anything that`s similar enough to the style I have now. The more I think about it, the more receptive I am to the idea of getting it cut short all over. One of the reasons I went from long hair to the asymmetrical bob was to get a feel for short hair, since I haven`t had short hair since grade school. I`ve seen one cut I`d like to try if I can get up my nerve. It was in a hairstyle magazine - the model`s hair was buzzed on the sides (not so close that you could see the scalp) part of the way up - the rest was razor cut to blend with the top, which was short and spikey. I think it would be neat to have a cut like that - especially with summer coming up. I think I could pull it off - it looked great on the model. My only concern is that I`m afraid a lot of people would think I was a lesbian. Any thoughts/suggestions?
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Posted By: felix
Date Posted: Apr 18, 2002 at 5:17pm
^ *sigh* that does seem to be a problem in the States. A cut like that would be considered "normal" in Europe. I`ve seen people here talk about "short hair" when they are talking about what I know as "semi-long".
Perhaps you should ask your hairdresser to make sure it doesn`t look "too butch"...
Anyway, you should do what you feel is good, not what other people feel is good. IMHO, there are worse things in life than being mistaken for a lesbian.,
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 18, 2002 at 10:11pm
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I hope I didn`t offend anyone by saying that I wondered if I would be mistaken for a lesbian if I had my hair buzzed. Unfortunately, it seems to be that way here in the south - where big hair rules! I can`t really say anything, though, because I`ve had big hair too. I had it all through high school and college until my recent change. It`s relatively rare here to see many young women my age (25)with a trendy, short hairstyle (I mean really short). I haven`t traveled much - I would be interested in seeing how other parts of the country are, hairstyle wise. Maybe I could start a trend here in NC! :o)
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Posted By: loveshorthair
Date Posted: Apr 19, 2002 at 11:07pm
There are several short styles that don`t look "butch". Of course, the success of a short look depends on your face...
Here are some pics that might help you
3820 (my favorite)
3928
4290
5030
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 20, 2002 at 12:07am
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Thanks for the suggestions! Of those, I like 3298 and 5030 the best. However, a perfect example of the style I`m considering is 4664 - I really like that cut, though I don`t know that I`ll have the nerve to go that short! Another one I like is 4276 - but I wouldn`t want the top to be that long. Of those two, which do you prefer?
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Posted By: ssjockey
Date Posted: Apr 20, 2002 at 1:37am
4664 is quite adventurous, and if you are the confident type, you should be able to pull it off with no problem.
The advantage of 4276, however, is that if you don`t like it, you could still get 4664. But if you don`t want it so long on the top, then you have answered your own question. Get 4664!
Good luck!
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 20, 2002 at 11:24am
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That`s a good point - and I do like style 5030 quite a bit. I was just thinking that if I was going short, I might as well go very short to see how I like it. It wouldn`t be a bad idea to start with 5030, though, and go from there. I like the idea of getting my ears pierced a couple of more times. That`s something that I`ve thought about doing anyway, but just haven`t gotten around to doing it. I think that will be a definite must with my ears exposed! One other thing - I don`t wear a lot of make-up. If I do get the 4664 cut, should I wear more make-up? I just don`t want to look too boyish. By the way, my face is very similar to the model in the 4664 picture. I`m petite, have a fairly angular face and small features.
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Posted By: loveshorthair
Date Posted: Apr 20, 2002 at 11:40pm
I think you should go with either 5030 or
http://www.greatestlook.com/shorthairstyles27/11.html - http://www.greatestlook.com/shorthairstyles27/11.html (that style is really sexy) though from your description of your current hairstyle, you might have to grow one side out.
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Posted By: Gord
Date Posted: Apr 21, 2002 at 12:17pm
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I agree with your boyfriend. You`ve made a huge mistake. Long hair rocks.
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 21, 2002 at 10:58pm
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Well, everyone is entitled to an opinion, of course, but it`s a bit presumtious of you to say I`ve made a "huge mistake." It`s also easy for you to say that "long hair rocks" when all you have to do is admire it on someone. Though I admit it can be very pretty, long hair was also quite difficult and time-consuming for me to maintain in a style that I liked.
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Posted By: duke
Date Posted: Apr 22, 2002 at 12:17pm
2 questions:
-how would you feel in a 1-length bob?
-When your hair was long, shoulder length whatever, did you wear it straight or "big" - just
curious what it looked like? Was it done in a mall poof?
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 22, 2002 at 5:04pm
I suppose a 1-length bob would be ok, but it`s really not the look I`m after. That`s why I went with the asymmetrical bob - I wanted something out of the mainstream.
My hair is naturally straight, but it is thick. I really didn`t like the way it looked when I didn`t do anything to it, so I usually did wind up with the typical big hair look by the time I was done curling and teasing it.
I just got really tired of having all that hair to fool with. Getting it cut really wasn`t something I thought about for a long time. It just sort of hit me one day and, at that point, I could hardly wait to get it cut.
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Posted By: tarheelgal_5
Date Posted: Apr 22, 2002 at 5:15pm
Thanks for the style suggestions "Riddler" and "loveshort&blonde"! Of those styles, I like 29 and 27 the best. Do neither of you like style 4664? Do you think it`s too short?
Riddler, unfortunately, I don`t think my boyfriend really considers himself lucky. He prefers the girl-nex-door type and I`m sure that he would have been thrilled if I had kept my hair at shoulder blade length (or longer) for the next 30 years! I just couldn`t stand that - I want to experience some different styles!
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Posted By: ssjockey
Date Posted: Apr 27, 2002 at 4:41am
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So, has anything new happened?
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Posted By: duke
Date Posted: May 6, 2002 at 12:30pm
Tarheelgal, I`ve been thinking of you these past few days. It`s interesting how the post started with
you saying your boyfriend dislikes your cut, then the conversation shifting to what haircut you should
now get. Just two pieces of advice: first, as you clearly stated you would not be comfortable staying
the same forever, gently make that very clear to him, so there are no misunderstandings about your
relationship for him. Secondly, when you want a change, while you`ll make, I`m sure, the final decision,
discuss it with him. Was the assymetric bob a surprise?
P.S. does anyone know if there is a picture of this kind of assymetric bob in the gallery? I`d love to see
it.
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