If you decide to talk to him about this you have to be very tacktfull. Instead of approaching it like, "so when is your mom going to leave", or "when is this going to be our house?"say honey, we need to start looking at our long term plans, and start to work on a solution for the future. Let him know that you are in no way presuring him, and that you love his mother and understand and appreciate him being such a good son(remember a good soon usually means a good husband). That you are simply trying to get some perspective, and trying to start getting an idea of what you guys are looking forward to in the future. Make it sound like you are more worried about his mother having a place of her own, where she can have her privacy and not feel like she is in the way; and where she feels like she is totally in charge. Express your concern about her feeling secure and cared for.

Always remember to put yourself in his shoes. What if it was the other way around. Would you tell your mother she needs to find a way to solve her situation because you got married and your husband wants his privacy? Or what if your husband told you he doesn't feel comfortable with your daugther and would preffer you sent her to live with her father, so you guys can have a fresh start? I know he would probably never do that, but how would you react if he did? So those are all things you have to take into consideration. I know if it was me, and my husband didn't want my mom to live with us (as much a I would understand his right to want that) I would explain to him that we are just going to have to deal with that. For how long? I don't know. As long as she needed me to. My mom, just like your husband's has been a great mom, and has always been there for me. And if my husband ever put me in a situation where I had to choose between him and her... I hate to say it, but I would be packing his bags (with tears in my eyes, but packing none the less). Why? Because she was there for me when nobody else was, continues to be there, and will still be there if he ever left me.

 

I used to live with my sister and her husband when I first moved to Miami, and eventhough he was great to me, at one point I started to feel like he wanted me out. I understood. Like I said, married people want their privacy. However, I had nowhere to go, no other family or friends here at the time, and at the time made about $90 a week (and that was on a good week). One time my sister told me I needed to start looking for a place. Eventhough I understood, I also could not believe she would say that to me, knowing that I had nowhere else to go, and made almost no money, so I couldn't even get an apartment. Well, thank God her husband felt bad and I was allowed to stay. But let me tell you, it really hurt me to see that she was willing to practically put me out on the street. Her husband is very close to his family and would have never tolerated my sister telling him to get rid of one of his family members. So how come she wouldn't stand up for me the same way? is what I used to think.

 

 I finally got a promotion and started making good money and was soon able to get my own place. This was after about 1 1/2 years living with them. I continued to move up and make more money and thank God was doing really well. Well a few years after that, they ended up separating after 12 years of marriage. And guess who was the only person that was there for her? Yeap, me. I left my apartment so I could move in with her and her two kids and help her out with the bills and the kids. That was 6 years ago and guess who is still with her? Yeap, me. Still helping her, and still by her side. She learned her lesson the hard way, and apologized many times for not being there when I needed her. That is all in the past now. But she learned that when push comes to shub, your family will always be there. Even after your husband/wife has left you.

Always remember that blood is thicker than water. And yes I know that once you are married you are no longer two but one. As the bible says "one flesh". Trust me, I fully believe that. I am a born again christian. But my family is my family and I would never turn my back on them. I know that's not what you want your husband to do. But that might be the way he looks at it, if you don't approach it with wisdom.

 

And if he is working so far away, why don't you and him just get an apartment in homestead. The rent around there is still cheap, and you guys would be together and alone. That whole only seeing him 4 days a month thing, ain't working. You guys need to be together. May be that should be your stradegy. Tell him to condiseder just getting an apartment in homestead for the both of you, so you can be closer, and he doesn't have to worry about commuting.

 

Whatever strategy you are going to use, just be wise about it. Remember this is your family you are talking about, and sometimes we have to sacrifice a little more than what we bargained for.

 

And hey, if you end up moving to homestead, I'm right by you in Kendall. I'll go visit you, so you can have some friends and not be so lonely, since you had to leave Texas . Just trying to cheer you up LOL. But I would really be willing to visit you if you needed a friend.

 

So think about it carefully, think about what your options are, and remember to act with love, wisdom and patience.

 

Boy I hate giving advice!!! I get too into it. I bet you I wrote like 2 pages worth LOL. But I sincerely feel you, and having watched so many people in the same situation (and having lived it myself) I wouldn't want you to make the wrong decision, or approach this in the wrong way, and end up with a sad situation.

 

I wish you all the happiness and love in the world, and I will be praying for you, and for God to give you the wisdom to deal with the situation, as well as the right way out of it.

 

Much love to you, Shary