Spend time with women and the conversation usually comes around to men and relationships--the good, the bad, and the "maybe I can make this work" variety. If the majority of those women are of African descent, relationships are also often discussed, longingly, in the context of women's lack of, and desire for, a positive, fulfilling relationship with a Black man.

Different as we are as individuals, there is some agreement about which elements make a relationship work. One essential ingredient: a man who is hardworking, committed, ambitious, and determined. In short, a man we can actually partner with.

There are obstacles in all relationships. Yet in many cases, African-American women are faced with an additional set of hurdles, many of them the outgrowth of our legacy of slavery and Jim Crow, as well as the continuing existence of White supremacy and White privilege.

The systematic destruction of Black families during and after slavery; the victimization and sexual exploitation of Black women, witnessed by powerless Black men; and the overriding assumption of Black inferiority--and its flip side, White superiority--still have a profoundly negative effect on us and our relationships.

A denial of the continuing emotional and economic impact of this country's unresolved history of slavery is as silly as the refusal by many White Americans to acknowledge any responsibility for White racism or White-skin privilege because, as they indignantly state, "No one in my family ever owned slaves!"

Yet the portrayal of Black men as fearsome, violent, and sexually predatory continues to label and stigmatize them in the culture. Black women may be stereotyped as sex objects, Mammy figures, or invisible. These aren't exactly positive images, but they've allowed us the wiggle room to manipulate the system more effectively than Black men can--to sometimes slide under the radar in ways that Black men often find impossible. This is not to suggest that we are less oppressed, but simply less feared.

Spend time with women and the conversation usually comes around to men and relationships--the good, the bad, and the "maybe I can make this work" variety. If the majority of those women are of African descent, relationships are also often discussed, longingly, in the context of women's lack of, and desire for, a positive, fulfilling relationship with a Black man.

Different as we are as individuals, there is some agreement about which elements make a relationship work. One essential ingredient: a man who is hardworking, committed, ambitious, and determined. In short, a man we can actually partner with.

There are obstacles in all relationships. Yet in many cases, African-American women are faced with an additional set of hurdles, many of them the outgrowth of our legacy of slavery and Jim Crow, as well as the continuing existence of White supremacy and White privilege.

The systematic destruction of Black families during and after slavery; the victimization and sexual exploitation of Black women, witnessed by powerless Black men; and the overriding assumption of Black inferiority--and its flip side, White superiority--still have a profoundly negative effect on us and our relationships.

A denial of the continuing emotional and economic impact of this country's unresolved history of slavery is as silly as the refusal by many White Americans to acknowledge any responsibility for White racism or White-skin privilege because, as they indignantly state, "No one in my family ever owned slaves!"

Yet the portrayal of Black men as fearsome, violent, and sexually predatory continues to label and stigmatize them in the culture. Black women may be stereotyped as sex objects, Mammy figures, or invisible. These aren't exactly positive images, but they've allowed us the wiggle room to manipulate the system more effectively than Black men can--to sometimes slide under the radar in ways that Black men often find impossible. This is not to suggest that we are less oppressed, but simply less feared.