My mother & my pig-tails - HELP!

I am a 36 year old mother of 2 lovely girls aged 8 and 6. Both my girls have long hair and I like them to wear their hair in pig-tails (or

Dear Venessa:

I truely understand how you feel. It seems that your mother is reliving her past but she is taking advantage of you and you need to take a firm stand on it. It is very kind of her to help her child but it doesn`t give her any rights to do this. You been a good sport about it all.
YOu could always turn the table around and challenge grandma to walk around liking like a girl. It takes a lot of strenght to say no to our parents at times.

It sounds like you arent too much against this as you would have put an end to it by now. It wont hurt you to honor your Mother for another few weeks, by now Im sure most people are used to seeing your hair this way. BTW, Ive seen a few Mature women fix their hair in pig-tails, and I think it looks cute.

Well we`ve moved into our new home and my pigtail problem is over. I decided the best option was to honor my mother`s wishes and have happily let her put my hair in bunches each morning. On the night before we moved out, I asked mum to cut my hair as I wanted it short and practical while I was setting up the new home. She said that she would, but that it would be nice for her "girls" to dress up one more time before we moved out. This brought us back to where we started with me and my daughters all dressed in our pretty pinny`s, with our hair in bunches secured with matching ribbons. This time I didn`t feel so silly and it actually felt quite nice, it was nice to feel all girlie again, just for one night. Once we`d put the girls to bed, mum offered to cut my hair. She sat me down, took my hair out of bunches and once we`d decided what style I wanted she started cutting. I decided not to go too drastic, so she gave me a short paigeboy style that I really love. It`s strange, because although I hated my pigtails at first, I grew to like them and I`m really glad that I had the experience. Now that my hair is short, in a funny kind of way I miss having the choice to put my hair up, I guess in hindsight that it would have been nice to have been able to wear my hair in bunches occasionally, when I want them, but now I can`t!

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Vanessa originally wrote:
Well we've moved into our new home and my pigtail problem is over. I decided the best option was to honor my mother's wishes and have happily let her put my hair in bunches each morning. On the night before we moved out, I asked mum to cut my hair as I wanted it short and practical while I was setting up the new home. She said that she would, but that it would be nice for her "girls" to dress up one more time before we moved out. This brought us back to where we started with me and my daughters all dressed in our pretty pinny's, with our hair in bunches secured with matching ribbons. This time I didn't feel so silly and it actually felt quite nice, it was nice to feel all girlie again, just for one night. Once we'd put the girls to bed, mum offered to cut my hair. She sat me down, took my hair out of bunches and once we'd decided what style I wanted she started cutting. I decided not to go too drastic, so she gave me a short paigeboy style that I really love. It's strange, because although I hated my pigtails at first, I grew to like them and I'm really glad that I had the experience. Now that my hair is short, in a funny kind of way I miss having the choice to put my hair up, I guess in hindsight that it would have been nice to have been able to wear my hair in bunches occasionally, when I want them, but now I can't!

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im 17 and think it must have been so embarrassing for you. last year my mom wanted me to wear my hair up for a big dance. i didn`t want to but we agreed to wear my hair in spiral curls. she wanted a bunch of spiral curls. i`ll write more later. i have to go.

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Rachel A originally wrote:

Reply to message: 10.3516.1

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Vanessa originally wrote:
Well we've moved into our new home and my pigtail problem is over. I decided the best option was to honor my mother's wishes and have happily let her put my hair in bunches each morning. On the night before we moved out, I asked mum to cut my hair as I wanted it short and practical while I was setting up the new home. She said that she would, but that it would be nice for her "girls" to dress up one more time before we moved out. This brought us back to where we started with me and my daughters all dressed in our pretty pinny's, with our hair in bunches secured with matching ribbons. This time I didn't feel so silly and it actually felt quite nice, it was nice to feel all girlie again, just for one night. Once we'd put the girls to bed, mum offered to cut my hair. She sat me down, took my hair out of bunches and once we'd decided what style I wanted she started cutting. I decided not to go too drastic, so she gave me a short paigeboy style that I really love. It's strange, because although I hated my pigtails at first, I grew to like them and I'm really glad that I had the experience. Now that my hair is short, in a funny kind of way I miss having the choice to put my hair up, I guess in hindsight that it would have been nice to have been able to wear my hair in bunches occasionally, when I want them, but now I can't!

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im 17 and think it must have been so embarrassing for you. last year my mom wanted me to wear my hair up for a big dance. i didn't want to but we agreed to wear my hair in spiral curls. she wanted a bunch of spiral curls. i'll write more later. i have to go.

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my mother began to want me to wear my hair in spirals several days a week. she would fix my hair sun day and monday. then it was everytme we had a family event she would put in the spirals. finally one day she told me she thought it would be nice to get a spiral perm. my hair is between bra strap and shoulder length. it is straight ant medium thick. she was relentless every day at supper , even my girl friends started suggesting that i get a spiral perm. i told her i didnt want a perm that iwould try another hairstyle all she had to do was help me choose one but she wanted me to got a spiral. ok finall y on day the hairdresser called and talked to me. then one saturday i gave in .it took forever. i cried for 3 days. after a couple weeks it looked better and i got more comfortable with it. she now wants me to get another one and before prom in april of 2002 get a third one. she helps me put in the conditioner and makes sure it always looks nice. but i miss my straight hair. the way she has it i will have 3 perms in 12 months.

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rachel a originally wrote:

Reply to message: 10.3517.1

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Rachel A originally wrote:

Reply to message: 10.3516.1

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Vanessa originally wrote:
Well we've moved into our new home and my pigtail problem is over. I decided the best option was to honor my mother's wishes and have happily let her put my hair in bunches each morning. On the night before we moved out, I asked mum to cut my hair as I wanted it short and practical while I was setting up the new home. She said that she would, but that it would be nice for her "girls" to dress up one more time before we moved out. This brought us back to where we started with me and my daughters all dressed in our pretty pinny's, with our hair in bunches secured with matching ribbons. This time I didn't feel so silly and it actually felt quite nice, it was nice to feel all girlie again, just for one night. Once we'd put the girls to bed, mum offered to cut my hair. She sat me down, took my hair out of bunches and once we'd decided what style I wanted she started cutting. I decided not to go too drastic, so she gave me a short paigeboy style that I really love. It's strange, because although I hated my pigtails at first, I grew to like them and I'm really glad that I had the experience. Now that my hair is short, in a funny kind of way I miss having the choice to put my hair up, I guess in hindsight that it would have been nice to have been able to wear my hair in bunches occasionally, when I want them, but now I can't!

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im 17 and think it must have been so embarrassing for you. last year my mom wanted me to wear my hair up for a big dance. i didn't want to but we agreed to wear my hair in spiral curls. she wanted a bunch of spiral curls. i'll write more later. i have to go.

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my mother began to want me to wear my hair in spirals several days a week. she would fix my hair sun day and monday. then it was everytme we had a family event she would put in the spirals. finally one day she told me she thought it would be nice to get a spiral perm. my hair is between bra strap and shoulder length. it is straight ant medium thick. she was relentless every day at supper , even my girl friends started suggesting that i get a spiral perm. i told her i didnt want a perm that iwould try another hairstyle all she had to do was help me choose one but she wanted me to got a spiral. ok finall y on day the hairdresser called and talked to me. then one saturday i gave in .it took forever. i cried for 3 days. after a couple weeks it looked better and i got more comfortable with it. she now wants me to get another one and before prom in april of 2002 get a third one. she helps me put in the conditioner and makes sure it always looks nice. but i miss my straight hair. the way she has it i will have 3 perms in 12 months.

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i hope to be able to talk her out of it. i would be willing to let her roll my hair for her beloved spirals. i would like to just have the option of wearing my hair straight sometimes. a perm is so well its so permanent. my hair on top is straight now with 5 months of growth. i enjoy the way it looks all shiny and straight. and my perm is taking as much time and maintenance as it grows out. ive already trimmed a few inches off the ends to keep it nice looking. any thoughts on dealing with my mother?

Hi Vanessa. I read your piece with interest, it has parallels with the thread below it called "advice". Just what is it with parents who think they can dictate their children`s hairstyles - when they`re THIRTY SIX?? My dad made me wear mine unfashionably short up to the age of 15 until one day I just put my foot down and said NO. It`s a power thing you see, and silly pig-tails are a visible symbol of your mother`s continuing power over you. She must love it! Sorry to sound cynical but I`ve been there.

i don`t think ur being cynical phil. my mom wants to control everything. she even had my friends telling me how pretty i would be with a perm. she wounld not stop until i got the perm. now i want to go straight again but she wants another spiral perm put in my hair.
mother even has to help me apply conditioner and fix the curls just so before i leave the house. if i am going out with my friends they have to wait until she seperates are adjust pieces of hair that may not be sitting just right. its so embarrasing....and my friends think my mom is so sweet the way she checks myhair and makeup before i leave the house. i`m only 17 and can`t imagine what vanessa must have felt for 4 weeks.

I have to say, reading through this whole thread, that there is a lot of VERY overbearing mothers around. Sure I think it`s nice that they want to bond with their daughters by helping the way they look.

BUT

There must be a point where this will stop - rachel a at 17, no offence but you should try and tell your mother STRAIGHT that she cannot control you anymore. My mother was like this with me till I was about 14 or 15 - then I just started getting my crew cut ever 4 weeks (I`m a guy btw) and from then on she just took the hint and stopped. Don`t get me wrong, I love her really, but there comes a point where you MUST have independance.

And lastly - Vanessa, I agree that it must have been embarassing going out in public looking just like ur kids - but my 22 year old partner wears them all the time (she`s growing out an ear length bob) and I think they`re VERY VERY sexy.