The Break

 

I believed that telling the one you love the secrets that could destroy a relationship is better than ever keeping them.  Especially when you got married.  I believed that honesty was the best policy.  I believed that the one you loved would see how much you loved them by allowing them to see into your darkest secrets.

 

I was wrong.  Those darkest sercrets killed my marriage.  And, killed my relationship with my daughter, even though those secrets had nothing to do with her, and by my ex-wifes own admission had nothing to do with her or my daughter.

 

My soul being layed outright, killed both.  My relationship with ex-wife and daughter.  And, because of my ex finding a husband, even before I was devorced from her and having a child out of wed-lock, and this new family, was more important than my poverty and inability to see my own daughter, she left me out in the cold.

 

I am 160 miles away, no transportation, and saw my daughter only once in 10 years...while she knew this and made no effort to rectify the situation.

 

Yah, I should have been able to find money out of nothing.  I should have been able to run 160 miles and slept on benches, homeless.  Yes, I should have been able to do this for my daughter, who I ache everyday to see and creeps me out with horrible depression.  But, if I really wanted to see her, I would have been able to right?

 

So I should be able to do this outright if I really loved her.

 

So it depends on both you and the one you loved.  If you can get back together... and, if everthing can make it right...

 

Right?

 

But for you, I will tell you this.

 

YOU must do this.

 

Weigh the two...

 

The good points and the bad points:

 

Find all the points about the good of the person you love.

 

Second, Find the bad about the person you love.

 

Weigh the two areas.  Which ever one wins... you go after it.

 

Fact:  you will never find anyone who is perfect.  Don't try.  We all have our baggage.  It is futile to look for perfection in a world that creates baggage.  No guy will ever be perfect...

 

Look at the baggage and look at the good... see if the good is more valuable than the bad.

 

Secret:  The Bad can be as good as the good.

 

If the one you love tells you a dark secret, hoping you will accept them?  Take them.  That is a gift.  They don't have to do that.  Because of that trust, what seems like garbage is accually a gem... so secretly you have found a gold mine.  It's their trust in you that creates this gem... because they don't have to do this... they could sink into their soul and never tell you until they think they got you... and you get that pain later.  But, them showing you this now is a gift of compassion and love... for they are thinking of YOU, not themselves.

 

Anything that seems like a problem, given to the one you love right at the beggining is more important and valuable that anything that can come later.  You have a bargain.

 

Anything that is from the soul is never taken lightly, ever.  But, should be seen as something that is a gift from the one you love.

 

Breaks in a relationship:

 

1. Is the break because you really love them?  Are they digesting that... because this so true they have to realize that your feelings are for the long hall.  Once they see this, they come and say, "I understand now... you really love me."

 

2. Are they scared... because they see that they are not sure or the lover is not sure if they are ready for such a commitment.  They have to, again digest this.  Lov e is at there door step.  They must decide to accvept it.  You can't do this for them.  They must accept what they are giving you!

 

If you have someone better in mind, don't wait for this.  Try it out, but remember what is waiting in the wings.  If this new guy is nothing like what you are waiting for, it might be better to say good buy to him to seek what you have been waiting for.  But... If you don't have someone better... it might be better to wait.  Maybe the one you love is trying to find out exactly what you want him to find out.  That love just doesn't grow on trees and what he had is more worthy than his futile efforts to find something he will never find.  That the love of his life is right in front of him.

 

You.

 

Sometimes it better to allow him to find this stuff out for himself.  Never give him HIGHER EXPECTATIONS than you would for yourself because your own expectaions might be too high anyways.  Allow him to grow.  This is actually a very loving response and makes you not only better than everyone else, but allows others to grow too.

 

Once you start thinking of others more than yourself, you have just graduated to a better person and you have a better chance of finding what you are looking for.

 

Someone who finds you just as important as you find him.  An equal, but allowing yourself to give unconditionally as he gives the same to you.

 

Many do not understand this.  But once you find it... you no longer be trying to find the right guy... it will come so naturally, it will happen so quickly that it's just there... just there.  And you found "mister right."

 

It's best to "feel" these things o.  The very question you are try to have answered might be the answer to your question.

 

Never disregard your unconscience part of your brain.  You might see something... but, you might feel another.  Take both into consideration.  Becasue both are important too.

 

Hope everything turns OK...