Need some feedback in a hurry!!!

Ok this is make it or break it time and I need feedback before I do something drastic or make a big mistake.I just turned 40 and my hair is down to my knees... moderately healthy. I've had people tell me to cut it, others say keep it.... I'm perplexed. My mom always tells me -- do something w/ your hair! So since today is Mom's day, I almost did.... I'm only 5'5" so having hair this long does not make me look any taller. I have a young face but hey I don't look 18 any more either.I thought about cutting it to a length in between bra length and mid back but still that's a lot of hair to cut off...Some decision making advise please --- the big day for my decision is next Saturday.I'd like feedback from both guys and gals and please let me know how old you are too so I can get some type of an idea. I do realize the ultimate decision is mine but outside opinions ALWAYS help.

Ann.......All I can offer you is the fact that we are very close in age and I would hope that you don't cut your hair......It sounds beautiful and has probably become a big part of your personna......you will find that you are lost without it.........as for the friends and your mother who tell you it is time to cut it, you will probably find an undercurrent of jealously as the motivation for their advice.........again, I would counsel against cutting it, but if you feel you must, please e-mail me for some discussion first........................DennisOk this is make it or break it time and I need> feedback before I do something drastic or make a big> mistake.> I just turned 40 and my hair is down to my knees...> moderately healthy. I've had people tell me to cut it,> others say keep it.... I'm perplexed. My mom always> tells me -- do something w/ your hair! So since today> is Mom's day, I almost did.... I'm only 5'5" so> having hair this long does not make me look any> taller. I have a young face but hey I don't look 18> any more either.> I thought about cutting it to a length in between bra> length and mid back but still that's a lot of hair to> cut off...> Some decision making advise please --- the big day for> my decision is next Saturday.> I'd like feedback from both guys and gals and please> let me know how old you are too so I can get some type> of an idea. I do realize the ultimate decision is mine> but outside opinions ALWAYS help.

> Hi Ann,> It sounds like you are making a big decision. My> advice is to really think about it. What are the> reasons for cutting it? What are the reasons for> keeping it? Do you like having very long hair? How> does it make you feel? Do you like other people's> reactions?> I'm twenty-six and have had knee length hair for about> three years now. About two years ago I had reached the> point that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my> hair. I had reached my goal of knee length and didn't> know what to do next. Then I found the TLHS web site> and this web site. It made me realize that there are a> lot of people out there who really like and admire> very long hair. It is an accomplishment that not> everyone can acheive. Reading the various debates and> opinions over the months made me really stop and think> about my reasons for having long hair and what I> wanted to do.> For me having long hair is something I very much> enjoy. I enjoy the way that it feels when it brushes> against my back and legs. I find the weight of it to> be comforting. I also find that brushing it can help> calm and relax me at the end of a long and stressful> day. I also enjoy the variety of styles that are> possible. And it is something that sets me aside and> makes me visably different from most people. Also,> fortunately for me, I'm surrounded by friends and> acquaintances (and sometimes even strangers) who> really like my hair and aren't shy about giving> compliments. I even have a couple of acquaintances who> can't see me without touching it.> So, my advice is to think about what your hair means> to you. Is it something that holds a deeper meaning> than just "long hair"? Or is it something> you would rather not take the time and energy to deal> with? Does it make you happy? Or sad? What do you feel> when you think about cutting it?> It's a big step, and will take a long time to grow out> if you decide to cut it off and then don't like it. If> you do cut, perhaps you might want to consider a> series of cuts taking six to twelve inches off over> several months. That way you can always stop and> decide not to get any more cut off if you don't like> your new length.> Another suggestion is to post your message on the> Original Hair Talk or the Hair Politics message> boards. They usually have a much larger audience. You> might even get some responses from the several ladies> over forty with knee length hair who usually post> here.> Best wishes on reaching a happy decision,> TeresaTeresa - thanks for the info and advice. You're right it is a big decision but you know.... it's something I've thought about for many years. On the downside, it takes forever to wash and dry and de-tangle. I had planned on cutting it myself cuz you know how it is when you go into a salon and they see all that hair -- it's like every pair of scissors appears and they just HOPE you will cut it instead of that little TRIM that most people get. Also, I hate sitting on it !!! OUCH But you also have a good point in that it sets you apart from the rest. My friends stand behind whatever I want to do and my fiance' as well. And if and when I do cut it... I am donating the hair to make wigs for kids w/ cancer and such. Check out the website http://www.locksoflove.com (I think that is what it is called) If you read the info they are looking for hair 12" and longer and I certainly have that.Thanks again... at least I am still thinking about it and not regretting it.By the way, I have been on the web site you mentioned. The only thing is that I notice the same thing on all of the photos... all of their hair just seems to be hanging there and that's what I don't like about mine -- it's so heavy that it has no uuummmppphh and forget about curling it! It doesn't stay in.

> Teresa - thanks for the info and advice. You're right> it is a big decision but you know.... it's something> I've thought about for many years. On the downside, it> takes forever to wash and dry and de-tangle. I had> planned on cutting it myself cuz you know how it is> when you go into a salon and they see all that hair --> it's like every pair of scissors appears and they just> HOPE you will cut it instead of that little TRIM that> most people get. Also, I hate sitting on it !!! OUCH> But you also have a good point in that it sets you> apart from the rest. My friends stand behind whatever> I want to do and my fiance' as well. And if and when I> do cut it... I am donating the hair to make wigs for> kids w/ cancer and such. Check out the website> http://www.locksoflove.com (I think that is what it is> called) If you read the info they are looking for hair> 12" and longer and I certainly have that.> Thanks again... at least I am still thinking about it> and not regretting it.> By the way, I have been on the web site you mentioned.> The only thing is that I notice the same thing on all> of the photos... all of their hair just seems to be> hanging there and that's what I don't like about mine> -- it's so heavy that it has no uuummmppphh and forget> about curling it! It doesn't stay in.Ann,I had the experience of going to a night club with a young woman with knee length hair. The response she got from both men and women there was overwhelming. It made me realise just how rare and beautiful very long hair is. It was clear also that she was very proud of her hair and was part of her persona.Obviously there are some downfalls to such long hair as you have mentioned. Also, you mention that there are certain things you can't do with it.If I were you, carefully outweigh all the advantages and positives to the negatives. Also, I would not allow your age, other's opinions, and society pressure to influence your decision. This is your hair and your decision!!May I also suggest that if you go ahead and decide to cut that you cut in stages and see how you feel. First cut to thigh length and see how it is. Then go to waist length, etc. That way it is easier to grow back in case you feel you made a wrong decision.So there you have it from a 28 yr. old male ;-)Jason.

> Hello Ann.. I am a 40 year old woman who is in the> process of letting her hair grow long. I am also a> member of the TLHS. Yes, that site shows women with> their hair just hanging but that's the reason they> choose to show their photos.. to show off the length> of hair they have so patiently grown. You are very> lucky to have your hair at such an unique length. I> have had both very long hair and hair above my> shoulders. I know both sides of the coin. I have cut> my long hair off and let it grow it back a few times> then I also lost some length due to water damage. I> can tell you that when your hair is short, you can't> do much with it. You are kind of stuck in that> hairstyle which by the way..you are cloned to look> like hundreds out there. I have had permed hair,> layered hair and hair that hung down to my legs. By> far the most interesting style is the long look. My> hair is finally getting to a length now where I can> make large buns or do a frenchbraid. When my hair was> collarbone length, I couldn't do anything with it but> use a scrunchie to hold it back then the sides that> were layered would fall in my face...ugh My hair is> mid back length now..(27") I feel like I am in> between somewhere.. not quite long but not short. But> I can at least do more styles with it than when it was> above shoulder length. I have been growing my hair> since Feb. of 98 from a collarbone length, layered> style. That Feb I turned 39 and we were all at a> restaurant when one of my husband's former co workers> came in. I had seen her before but not at the> advantage point I had that night. For over an hour I> got to see her seated across from me with her lower> calf length hair. WOW what an impression she made on> me.. Before then everytime I had seen a lady with long> hair I would feel envy and want to grow my hair again.> But I had lost over 3ft of hair to water damage and> had kept my hair at what I had thought was an> appropriate length for me in my late 30's. I was> caught up in the whirl of salons and haircuts. This> lady made a huge impression on me. It registered in my> brain how cloned I looked. This woman stood out in a> crowd. I looked like I was stamped out on a press.> There were hundreds out there that looked like me. I> decided that night to let my hair grow again.I have> always wanted knee length hair and felt it was now or> never. About that time I found the TLHS. I joined the> email list and found the encouragement from other> ladies who were also pushing 40 or older and had long> hair. Some with knee length hair and longer. It was> just what I needed ...kind of a support group. I can> now do my hair in more styles than I could before and> feel a rush of enjoyment when I feel my hair swish on> my back. I have learned about new products that have> my hair in super condition. I think you are in a rut> with your hair. Maybe learning new ideas of hairstyles> and also new haircare products to enhance the> condition of your hair would change your outlook. Of> course in the end you will do what pleases you and> this is the way it should be but remember how quick> the cut happens and how long it would take to get it> back! You are smart to take some time to get some> feedback from other people. I know after keeping my> hair shoulder length for 3 years, the patience it is> taking to grow it again is staggering for me. I relish> each inch I gain and can't wait for it to be at the> length you have. I wish you luck in whatever decision> you make. Keep us informed and let us know what you> decide and how it impacts you.> best regards.. Cher~First of all I have to say the response has been pretty one-sided and believe me I know what a treasure I have...Yeah, I am kinda bored w/ it... but let me emphasize that I would NEVER EVER cut my hair short - for one thing, I don't have the face for it. My age isn't a big consideration... I don't do a lot of things you are "supposed" to do when you hit 40. I intend to make changes very gradually IF I decide to go that route. I know the way men look at women w/ long hair... I didn't mean any offense by saying our hair "just hangs there" and I intend to leave myself several options for styling purposes... But you, being a person w/ long hair, knows this as well as I do that when your hair gets that long... at the ends it gets all whispy. Yeah, my hair is down to my knees...but it isn't ALL there...there is a difference of several inches in places from being sucked into the blow drier and other such mishaps. That's what prompted the thought in the first place....Speaking of thoughts... did you see the thing on the ANNOUNCEMENT page where the man in NY is offering to rid us of our burden of long hair. I think it said something like cut if off in 99... I don't think I exactly liked the way he phrased his little clip... and he has no responses. I appreciate the feedback from everyone and I am still contemplating what to do...Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what you thought....I'm out of town and computerless for a few days so I'll be anxious to see what's posted when I return..

Dear Ann,My advice would be to think aboutit very carefully and just trim a little bit at a time. I have been going thru the same dilemna as you. I had waist lenght hair a couple of years ago but had to cut off damaged ends and have trimmed it shorter ever since. It is now about 5" below my shoulders and this is short hair for me. I am sorry I didn't stay at mid back lenght or a little longer. I was going thru this urge to cut it off. I have never had short hair and wonder at times if I would like it. I found a website , Laura Jane's Page. She answered me personlly and encouraged my to wait. She was so supportive of women with long hair. I don't think we women in our 40's and beyond, I am 49, get much encouragement to keep our hair long. I am very glad to have found web sites for long hair and have re-newed my resolve to grow it back. I needed reminding of better hair care techniques and new products and accessories. I think I am at a point, and maybe you are too, where I am feeling out of sorts with my appearance and feel the need to do something. This past week I went to a Claire's Boutique and got a bunch of accessories, hair sticks and some stretchy headbands, I got my ears pierced a second time so I can wear hoops and a cute pair of studs, and got some new make up and a couple of new outfits that are more sophisticated than my usual T shirts and jeans. I feel a whole lot better and am staying away from the scissors. I would also say to just trim a little at a time. A while back there was a feature in Glamour that showed going from waist length to very short. I am not recomminding the very short but the first stage was nice. The woman had about 3" trimmed and light layers up about 2 or 3 " and some angling on the sides. I thought it was very pretty. I remember she said she went from 2 hours drying time to about 45 minutes with hair just a little shorter. I fully understand what you are feeling and would advise you to think carefully and make small changes. Good luck. Carolyn

> Ok this is make it or break it time and I need> feedback before I do something drastic or make a big> mistake.> I just turned 40 and my hair is down to my knees...> moderately healthy. I've had people tell me to cut it,> others say keep it.... I'm perplexed. My mom always> tells me -- do something w/ your hair! So since today> is Mom's day, I almost did.... I'm only 5'5" so> having hair this long does not make me look any> taller. I have a young face but hey I don't look 18> any more either.> I thought about cutting it to a length in between bra> length and mid back but still that's a lot of hair to> cut off...> Some decision making advise please --- the big day for> my decision is next Saturday.> I'd like feedback from both guys and gals and please> let me know how old you are too so I can get some type> of an idea. I do realize the ultimate decision is mine> but outside opinions ALWAYS help.Yes, you have got a big decision to make, but thought out sincerely, I would think you will make the right choice. I'm a few years older than you, and I have seen several women do what your going to do, but not one has regretted their decision, and I, like very long hair and hate to someone cut their's. But please do me a favor if you decide to do this, contact me first, for I would like to ask you something before things are done.

> Yes, you have got a big decision to make, but thought> out sincerely, I would think you will make the right> choice. I'm a few years older than you, and I have> seen several women do what your going to do, but not> one has regretted their decision, and I, like very> long hair and hate to someone cut their's. But please> do me a favor if you decide to do this, contact me> first, for I would like to ask you something before> things are done.Ok, Richard... I'll bite... what do you want to ask me?(First of all... no, I am not going thru a midlife crisis...just in case that was a question....

> Dear Ann,> My advice would be to think aboutit very carefully and> just trim a little bit at a time. I have been going> thru the same dilemna as you. I had waist lenght hair> a couple of years ago but had to cut off damaged ends> and have trimmed it shorter ever since. It is now> about 5" below my shoulders and this is short> hair for me. I am sorry I didn't stay at mid back> lenght or a little longer. I was going thru this urge> to cut it off. I have never had short hair and wonder> at times if I would like it. I found a website , Laura> Jane's Page. She answered me personlly and encouraged> my to wait. She was so supportive of women with long> hair. I don't think we women in our 40's and beyond, I> am 49, get much encouragement to keep our hair long. I> am very glad to have found web sites for long hair and> have re-newed my resolve to grow it back. I needed> reminding of better hair care techniques and new> products and accessories. I think I am at a point, and> maybe you are too, where I am feeling out of sorts> with my appearance and feel the need to do something.> This past week I went to a Claire's Boutique and got a> bunch of accessories, hair sticks and some stretchy> headbands, I got my ears pierced a second time so I> can wear hoops and a cute pair of studs, and got some> new make up and a couple of new outfits that are more> sophisticated than my usual T shirts and jeans. I feel> a whole lot better and am staying away from the> scissors. I would also say to just trim a little at a> time. A while back there was a feature in Glamour that> showed going from waist length to very short. I am not> recomminding the very short but the first stage was> nice. The woman had about 3" trimmed and light> layers up about 2 or 3 " and some angling on the> sides. I thought it was very pretty. I remember she> said she went from 2 hours drying time to about 45> minutes with hair just a little shorter. I fully> understand what you are feeling and would advise you> to think carefully and make small changes. Good luck.> Carolyn11/5/99Dear AnnI tend to be a bit late on things (busy) which can have some advantages :-)Go along with all our tlhs group.I guess I have two questions really :-)1) . If you can remember that far back (10 years + ?) what made you decide to grow it in the first place ? Your own decision or a friend or what ? In other words that original quest or powerful urge has now become diluted or gone completely ?One of the main reasons I believe behind the fun we all get out of tlhs is the freedom to discuss everything about our favourite subject, which perhaps above all is represented by mutual support and encouragement - whatever the length or goals desired. I'ts a great feeling for both females and males alike too :-> .What if you were say to join in the discussions yourself beforehand ? - unload as they say - this could perhaps go a long way to helping you make the final decision a lot easier with hopefully fewer regrets later. Obviously i'ts always a good thing to talk it through as much as possible first, and from what I can tell you sound as though it is all getting a bit rushed ? ? ?"The worst decisions are the rushed ones" - or similar. Might have been said by Caesar to Brutus, or by Archimedes or one of them ! ! :-) Whatever ! So if it has or has'nt been said before by others (?), why not log on to tlhs for a while and get the frustrations out FAR more slowly (4/5 weeks more after such a long devoted effort is not too much to ask is it - ??) - then see how you feel etc.2). Finally read somewhere once that a lady faced with the same problem bought several wigs of different lengths, and wore a different one for a while each day to see everyone's and her own reactions. However with summer coming on, evenings would perhaps be more practical :-) . The point is at least you'd know in advance - "for free".So there's my pennyworth - hope you join us soon,Best wishesPeter

Hi Ann,This is the first time I've written to the Personals board although I'm a regular on the Hair Talk and Politics board.I've often wanted to write about my feelings on hair length past the derriere (which is what I have) but really didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or give off the impression that I'm jealous, since having this long of hair already, I suppose I could grow it longer if I chose to.As you might of guessed by now, I don't care for hair that is longer than derriere length. (By the way, I'm 31 years old). I don't care for this length on any age, but I do tend to think it is even less desirable the older one gets(that is, if they are aging quite a bit in their looks, not just a little or just some aging). Really, though, I think it looks unsophisticated on any age. I really don't want to offend anyone, but to me it looks like it doesn't give any style to your image, like a farm girl who doesn't know how to be fashionable. I know that not every guy goes for this look, like it may seem on the postings you read.I know of at least five guys that don't like it that long.One of these men even said it looks like trailer trash.I'm just saying what he said. I think that a lot of these guys posting here have a hair fetish, so the longer, even if it may be freaky looking, the better. I have no idea if your hair is freaky looking or not, but it sounds like you're tired of it and maybe you would feel better about it by cutting it to derriere length. I agree with the advice that trimming it in steps will help you to know what you want without going too far from your original length. To me, this length is akin to having those really long fingernails that you see sometimes that curl around the fingers-not for me, thank you.Of course, if people want hair that is as long as their thighs or knees, that is their choice. I'm just giving an opinion of what I and some others think about it. You're right about those pictures, I've seen them and the hair is just hanging there. Maybe on purpose, I don't know, but honestly what can you do with hair that length except put it up a few ways? Well, that's my two (okay, 5)cents. Best wishes with your decision.Oh, one other thing, I do agree with the advice about maybe discussing it on the tlhs for a month or whatever to see if this is really what you want to do. Let us know what happens.Holly

Me again:)I just wanted to also say that the idea of wearing wigs was a great idea to see if this is what you really want to do. I certainly don't want you to do anything hasty with your hair and then be regretfull, but I do think you should have another opinion other than "stay with it or else you'll be losing something grand" attitude. I think derriere length or even waist length is still very grand but tasteful as well. O>k., 'nuff said. :))Holly

> Ok, Richard... I'll bite... what do you want to ask> me?> (First of all... no, I am not going thru a midlife> crisis...just in case that was a question....Ann, That's not what I meant, because if you decide to cut your hair ,I have some wigs you could wear if you wanted to, and if you are close maybe we could talk before hand,and see what we can come up with , concerning your big question facing you. By the way, I live in the Dallas area if you are anywhere around there. Talk to you later...

> Hi Ann,> After reading the torrent of comments, I have only a> couple of things to add to the discourse.> 1. There are always people saying "cut" or> "Don't cut", so I suggest you continue to> think about what you want, listen to the input you> have solicited and make a thoughtful decision. This is> not a time to get in a hurry.> 2. Think about why you grew your prodigous mane,> perhaps the reason remains the same or maybe not,> either way you will have more information to use in> making your decision.> 3. You hair is "moderately healthy"> according to your post. Is that part of the reason why> you are considering a change? If so, perhaps minor> changes in your hair care routine, coupled with> corrective trimming can move your hair from moderately> healthy to very healthy while lessening the tangling> and other problems noted in your followup posts. This> site is a cornucopia of ideas and solutions for hair> care issues. Karen is always available to offer help,> encouragement and ideas.> 4. Should you decide to cut your hair, the locks of> love program is a deserving group. I have had dealings> with Bill and a couple of others who are involved in> the program. (However, I believe their largest needs> at the present are cash to pay for making wigs with> the large amount of hair that has been donated to> date.)> 5. Finally, careful consideration and lack of haste> are most important. It only takes a couple of minutes> to cut it off, but years to regrow. Take it from a 41> year old stylist who has been there to see the tears> and regrets of recently shorn women (and men),> including my wife, too many times.> Best of luck in your deliberations.> Mike****Mike,Wow - thanks for a great answer. I fully expected to take just one last peek today and not expect any new responses. By moderately healthy - I meant, there are some split ends and minor breakage (slamming it in the car door and having to reel it back in while driving on the freeway certainly didn't help here ) and yes that is a part of my consideration.. You had a great response and I promise to think things through before making a drastic move. You sound like a very knowledgable man and I wish I had you for a stylist years ago rather than some nit wit who ran amok with the scissors..And for the rest of you who responded - thank you... I have notmade up my mind what to do yet but I appreciate all the time and thought you put into your answers...

> Ann, That's not what I meant, because if you decide to> cut your hair ,I have some wigs you could wear if you> wanted to, and if you are close maybe we could talk> before hand,and see what we can come up with ,> concerning your big question facing you. By the way, I> live in the Dallas area if you are anywhere around> there. Talk to you later...Ohhhhhhh thanks but I don't think Hawaii is too close to Dallas... I think I am going to check out that program for your CD when I get back home and see what that is all about but thanks for the offer.......

Hi Ann,OK, so I agree it is your descision (I bat on about this at great length ('scuse the pun) on a lot of occasions), as Richard Feynman wrote "so what do you care what other people think?". However, as you say, when making a choice of this magnitude advice never goes amiss.All the responders have useful things to say, and I'm sure they help. A couple of things occur that I would also add:Long hair in good condition looks great, in naff condition it looks tatty. If yours is good then perhaps it's the style for you.I agree that there are a lot of guys for whom (as Holly says) long is a major turn-on and the longer the better for them. I can see that growing it super long just so guys can ogle it is not something you might want to do. I'm not sure about it never looking good past the butt though, I think Holly is making a major generalisation at this point - though the number who can wear knee-length is less than those who can wear butt-length.Putting your hair up can make it easier to deal with, sure, but then again it takes time to do this and the longer it gets the more time and skill it takes. Then again, if you have the time and skill then very long hair braided or put up looks breathtaking.Most guys think they don't like short hair, until they see it! My wife wore hers long (just past bra strap) and then decided to cut it - she'd had long for ages and I wasn't sure what I thought. It looked sensational and made her face look very different (its at about 4" past her shoulders now by the way).Age has nothing to do with it. The idea that there is an age limit for long hair is a load of horse pucky. It's if you feel happy with it that counts. The age = short equation is what those kids' hair cut by their grandma. If you want to keep it long at 40 go for it.OK so my point is: it's up to you. However I would agree that as it will take a long time to grow back you need to think carefully.Whatever you decide I'm sure we're all behind you.This post wasn't really any help at all was it?andy

Hi Andy,I just wanted to make a point. I'm not angry or anything, so don't get the wrong idea! :) I don't even know if you meant me when you said this, but I don't have an age rule either. I think if you can carry it off, great, but I still hold to the opinion that there is a limit to how long hair can go and still look sophisticated, on any age.From a butt length girl,Holly

Hi HollySorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were showing any anger - if this is the way it read then it was quite unitentional.I wasn't suggesting that you were hinting that there was an age problem - this was just one of the wild generalisations that society makes about women and their looks. It was you comment that very long hair didn't look stylish that I was picking up on. I totally agree that 'past the butt' can look very lank and unstylish, and that it is a rare woman who can carry it off (Crystal Gayle doesn't seem to have any problems for instance). However, if a woman wants knee-length hair and can grow it, then fine.Sorry again if I misinterpreted or accidently misrepresented your views.andy

Hi Andy,> Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were showing> any anger - if this is the way it read then it was> quite unitentional.Boy, when I re-read my message I discovered I sounded serious when I meant it to sound humorous. One of the hazards of e-mail, I guess! I didn't mean to sound like I was accussing you of thinking I was angry. I'm sorry that it read that way, and that I made you feel you had to apologize.I meant that I didn't want to sound angry when I clarified my point, like some people get when someone doesn't understand what they meant (I'm not referring to anyone in particular)and I wasn't sure if what I had said made you think I attached age with the problem (from your post I know better now).Using more smiley faces from now on,:))))Holly