henchperson

Hi folks.
I've got fine, wavy hair that has been in a 2" long wash-and-wear hairstyle for five years.  When I tried to grow it longer, a straightening iron got involved and I loved having straight hair whenever I wanted it.
Then I started to grow my hair out.
It took me nine months to get from 2" to 4" of length because the stylists kept having to cut out the damage from the straightening iron, and I realized I was destroying my hair.
So far, I've discovered that my wavy hair doesn't respond to conditioner-only washing, that a lot of styling products pull the waves out with their weight, and that I'm just going to have to look goofy until my hair is long enough to see what the wave pattern is like and decide on a style.  At the moment, bandanas and headbands are my best friends, followed closely by barrettes and hairpins. 
Lucky for me, I do most of my work from home, so no one ever sees just how silly my hair looks. 
Right now I'm using Paves Sulfate-free shampoo and Suave Naturals conditioner, but the Suave is very heavy and the Paves is made for dry hair.  Once again, I find myself using the wrong products for my hair because someone recommended them to me - it's the Suave I used for conditioner-only washing, and my hair is shiny, soft, stick-straight and overconditioned at this point. 
I'm about ready to toss out everything I have and start again, keeping in mind that I need light products with no buildup and a regular clarifying rinse.

Why use a sulfate free shampoo, only to follow it with a conditioner full of sulfates?  If buildup is your problem, you may be happier with a conditioner with less silicones in it than that one has, since they tend to be the biggest problem.  I'd keep the shampoo, stick the suave in the back of the closet for now, clarify once more, then switch to a conditioner without cones (anything in the ingredients ending in 'cone).  I use Avalon, it is sulfate free and doesn't have silicones, (and since my hair likes heavy conditioner, its even a little too light for me sometimes).  You can search natural/ herb websites too, you will likely find many other brands without sulfates or cones.  

I think one of the major problems I've had is using products for dry hair when my hair isn't dry.
I'm actually ditching most of what I've got - the Paves is specifically "for dry, damaged hair," and my hair is neither - and trying out some test-sizes of other products. 
I'll have to look up Avalon - if it's too light for someone else, it may be just right for me!
Thanks..

By the way, the sad thing is that I didn't even notice that the Suave had sulfates until you mentioned it, Susan. 

I took a trip to the local Vitaminshoppe and had this long conversation with their shampoo/cosmetic specialist - during which she actually had me lean over so she could poke at my scalp and check the thickness of my hair, which was an amusing experience.
She recommended Giovanni's TeaTree shampoo and conditioner and I love them.  No cones, no sulfates, no parabens.  I started using them last week and my hair looks fantastic.  After a month and a lot of different experiments, I think I've finally found the right product for me.
I also picked up some of the DevaCare Angell.  I don't know why they call it a gel, really, as it has almost no hold.  On the other hand, Chicago summer has landed complete with horrendous humidity and the Angell product appears to be preventing me from frizzing.  Honestly.  No frizz.  I'm amazed.  It's also very, very light.
So the past two months of experimentation and asking pathetically uninformed questions to the more knowledgeable about hair has paid off, it seems.  Even my husband - who didn't notice when I changed my hair color a few times - has said my hair looks really good.  Of course, the length and growing-bangs-out situation means that I can't be without a headband, barettes, or bandana, but that won't be true forever.
This time two months ago, I knew nothing about CO washing, parabens, cones, sulfates, or even really basic hair care, since I'd had 2" long hair for a very, very long time.  Now I'm starting from very short hair with the goal of fairly long hair, and hopefully treating my hair nicely while it's this short will make for nicer long hair. 

Thought/knew tht cones cause silkines and promotes sleek look. Can't find out wht problems they cause..

This is a reply I picked up from the FAQ of the LongHair community on LiveJournal, because I didn't understand what the deal was with 'cones, either:
Silicone and its derivatives (dimethicone is the most common one seen in hair care) acts like Teflon on the hair shaft - it coats it, smooths it, seals it. This makes it a popular ingredient in conditioners and anti-frizz products. However, by sealing off the hair shaft from moisture, it means it cannot replenish its moisture either from water or oil, and this will eventually cause a break if nothing is done about it.
There are different kinds of -cones with different strengths. Dimethicone is one of the strongest -cones there are. The one found in Aveda's Sap Moss detangler is one of the weaker -cones. -Cones can be removed with clarifying shampoo, more easily done if it's a weaker -cone. One of the main problems with people noticing -cone damage is that -cones cause damage while they simultaneously hide it, as it'll glue the split ends it's causing together. Someone decided they want to wean themselves from -cones, stops using them, and suddenly all the damage that the -cones caused shows up. Lastly, sealing the hair shaft off from moisture will more quickly affect those with dry, fine or slow-growing hair than those with coarse, oily or fast-growing hair just because it's harder to cause damage to the latter group. Therefore, some people here swear by -cones, some people despise them.

The whole Long Hair FAQ makes a fairly interesting read, explaining the reasoning behind why some people don't use sulfates and why some people don't use cones and why some people don't use parabens, etc.,  and the FAQ is available to anyone here.
For the record, when I didn't belong to the community, I could still view the FAQ, so I think it's a public post.
henchperson2006-05-28 10:17:26

I use an apple cider vinegar rinse (usually 1 part ACV to 4 parts distilled water) to clarify and I've never had a problem with harshness - my hair seems pretty happy with it, actually, and I use it about twice a week.  I use DevaCare Angell to keep my frizz in check and even daily shampooing doesn't get all the product out, hence the clarifying rinses.
Just don't get the ACV mix in your eyes.  OW!

Yeah. ACY is quite mild. I was talking abt the Clarifying shampoos. Because a Vinegar rinse won't b able to wash out these years of cones buildup. Thnkx for ur support. this site is really great with great people 

I'm glad it worked out henchperson!