Mom`s who want hair cut

I completely understand how you feel everyone. i had hair that nearly touched my butt, I had been growing it since I can remember and never had hair shorter than about my lower back. Well my mom informed me in August that when I went to highschool I would be going with my hair above my shoulders, no questions asked, and that unless it looked horrible, it would not again reach below my shoulders until I was 18. The crying and threatening did not help, and she thought I was acting nuts. So she decided she would do it herself so I wouldn`t embarrass her in public. Then she wouldn`t let me keep the ponytail so she threw it away infront of me and then made me go to a salon and not I have blonde hair about chin legnth with short layers. i`ve had to go back 3 times since then to maintain the legnth and each time I think about how beautiful my hair would be now. i`m workin on getting her to let me grow it but either way it will be hard to get it how it was. i cry often, esppecially when I see other girls with their long hair who don`t have my problem. Girls, I know how parents are dont let them bother you.

I recommend a full outfit of leather and studs - maybe a collar or two...wags

I feel so sorry for you Lauren, I can`t understand why parent`s would ever do that to their children, it just seems so cruel to me. Please know that there are lots of people out there who are really sympathetic to you and your terrible loss and I for one feel for you immensely.

And once you are old enough, I hope that you totally get back at your mother by growing all of your long hair back and flaunt it in her face, knowing that she can`t make you cut it again!

Best wishes,

John

Let`s see: whose moms fit the abusive list so far: Rachel A, Karen, McKee, Lauren, that`s four.
Sick. And it`s a whole new millenium. If I were the spouse of any of these women, there would
be protection coming, in big quantities! I wonder if these mothers watch Oprah, because the
recent "Get Real Challenge" with good ol` Dr. Phil showed the terrible effects of such controlling
parents. Maybe you can get counselling. Someone mentioned to go to your school councellor -
that`s a great idea. You girls should go there for advice. Are there other abusive behaviors in
your lives?

How about they put them on the Jerry Springer show and have Steve give the mothers his famous supper dupper haircut! Im sure they would think twice before forcing their daughters to cut their hair!

[QUOTE=Iceman4757] How about they put them on the Jerry Springer show and have Steve give the mothers his famous supper dupper haircut! Im sure they would think twice before forcing their daughters to cut their hair!
[/QUOTE]
I totally agree with u on the mothers getting the supper dupper Steveie cut, definatle get the point acrossed. and yes my mother is also one of these women.

[QUOTE=anonymous] I've talked with friends and my Mom about this.

The sad thing is that many of these mothers
were abused in this way when they were children.
When similar events occur to their children that
cause them to get their hair cut, they repeat the
same reaction.

Stylists should make a big fuss when a parent
tries to do this. Unless there's a medical reason
they should require a consent form to be
signed by all guardians, a 7 day waiting period
and a consultation with the salon owner.

If nothing else, it's unfair on other customers to
see someone else suffer in this way.




[/QUOTE]
Alright, I have to agree with the comment that was stated in the previous post about the abuse. My mom told me that her hair was about mid back length and then she misbehaved and as punishment her mother had her haircut to her chin... guess those things just are never forgotten.

Thank you for sharing that extra information with us, McKee. That shows how serious this issue is.
The post by Lauren is a particularly poignant instance of your plight. Listen, I might be able to give all of you a few pieces of advice about how to survive this situation better. Please e-mail me (piobmhorca@yahoo.ca). One more thing. I am mediating a forum on the National Youth Rights Organization website (www.youthrights.org) about the rights of young people in relation to their parents. Anyone, check us out.

Colonel John Doe
Commanding Officer, the Cameron Highlanders Militia for Freedom and Democracy

Molikete, when we say this is abuse, we don`t mean to detract from things like rape. We want to EXPAND
the notion of abuse. These girls must feel helpless. Their mothers are either blackmailing them with love or
plain them by emotional power, threat of punishment, whatever. And for what? For mom`s simple preference for short hair to be imposed. The mother either cares more about seeing her daughter short-haired than seeing her happy. Or she thinks that her daughter will be happy just because mom thinks she looks nice. It`s time people recognize that abuse is not just physical injury. This psychological assault should be recognized for what it is - emotional abuse. Re-read Lauren`s post above. It`s perhaps the most poignant on this topic so far. And yes, I am horrified by all other forms of abuse.

This last post is very ironic. On one hand, you describe your own example of this inconsiderate
treatment and rightly call it "bullying" - on the other, you find it "insensitive and dangerous" to call
it abuse. But what is bullying but abuse, especially when it comes from the very person who should be
the most fundamentally caring and nurturing person in your life? You bet that`s abuse, and calling it
by its right name does not detract from things like battering and rape. It just adds to making a more
respectful society. You say the effect has remained with you up to now yet you talk about "stronger
circumstances". My friend, I think you should look yourself in the eye and admit you`ve been hurt.
And consider that what is a "stronger" circumstance to one person may be a "weaker" one to another.
Some people would rather be beaten with a gunbelt than be forced to cut their hair. Do you come from
a Southern state where "whuppin`" children is common and encouraged?

I also find it ironic that you tell these girls to stand up to their mothers, yet you yourself were put
through a drastic haircut. Could you please tell us a bit more about the experience? What reasons
did your mom give for making you cut your hair, if any, and did she let you grow it back? Please describe
what happened.

Just what is it with these moms, anyway? All of a sudden they decide their daughters should have
their long hair done away with? What kind of person would do this? The answer can not be too
complex - someone who is stupidly insensitive, controlling or even sadistic.

Colonel Doe

This last post is very ironic. On one hand, you describe your own example of this inconsiderate
treatment and rightly call it "bullying" - on the other, you find it "insensitive and dangerous" to call
it abuse. But what is bullying but abuse, especially when it comes from the very person who should be
the most fundamentally caring and nurturing person in your life? You bet that`s abuse, and calling it
by its right name does not detract from things like battering and rape. It just adds to making a more
respectful society. You say the effect has remained with you up to now yet you talk about "stronger
circumstances". My friend, I think you should look yourself in the eye and admit you`ve been hurt.
And consider that what is a "stronger" circumstance to one person may be a "weaker" one to another.
Some people would rather be beaten with a gunbelt than be forced to cut their hair. Do you come from
a Southern state where "whuppin`" children is common and encouraged?

I also find it ironic that you tell these girls to stand up to their mothers, yet you yourself were put
through a drastic haircut. Could you please tell us a bit more about the experience? What reasons
did your mom give for making you cut your hair, if any, and did she let you grow it back? Please describe
what happened.

Just what is it with these moms, anyway? All of a sudden they decide their daughters should have
their long hair done away with? What kind of person would do this? The answer can not be too
complex - someone who is stupidly insensitive, controlling or even sadistic.

Colonel Doe

I`ll agree here. Just about everyone I know of (both guys/girls), has been upset by a haircut that went wrong at least once in their lives.

Look at all the posts about the communication misunderstandings, or someone not liking a new style or color that they liked. Hair can grow back.

However, I think it is more why it happened is really the crucial issue. I don`t really see how doing something like this is really going to help maintain
mutual respect. I guess Mom has really reached the end of her tether at this point.

It happened to my cousin. We were given the
reason, and it seemed completely unfair to me.

Things like this happened to people I knew at school. Lots of many different ways. In the end the kids leave school go to college, get married and never speak to their parents again.

Ok, wait a minute Col. Highland I live in the south and our parents are not barbarians. This "whupping" image is ridiculous. First of all I`m almost 17 and have not had a "whupping" since I was 10 or maybe 11. It was never an overgrown bully beating a child senseless. It was a spanking ,not done in anger but a couple of firm swats on my bottom.
The south has a long history of arts and culture to be very proud of. We are not all neanderthals and rednecks. "Whuppings" of children occur in all 50 states so wake up. Neanderthals and rednecks can also be found in all 50 states.
The south is still mostly rural with small farms but we have museums, history, culture, universitys, and excellent health care. Did you know that the first heart transplant was performed in Mississippi. That`s my home state. Atlanta, Houston, New Orleans are all noted for banking, research and places to visit.
In the south children are expected to say "yes sir, no sir, yes mam and no mam."
Its true that several months ago my mom pressured me to get a perm. But she NEVER tied me to the chair. She was very persistent that I get a perm but never once was I forced physically to do it. After a while I got use to my spirally look. Just before Christmas I cut my hair to chin length. My mom was upset that I cut my hair but NEVER once did she hit me. She wants me to have long curly hair. She was mad but she got over it.
I`ll grow my hair out again and choose anew length to wear it. I cut my hair because I wanted to get the perm out. My mom was talking to me about another perm And I said no that I would roll my hair to get the spirally look. But I chose to cut my hair to remove the old perm.

Molkettie and Rachel, I did not assume anything about you being from the Southern US, I
just suspected it because while whipping children and authoritarian parenting happen most
everywhere like you said, that part of the world has more of a penchant toward it. It`s been
shown many times. I know there is culture in that part of the world too. I`m glad you have
told me a little more about your background. I hope your mom is backing off Rachel.

Yes, Molkettie, I will certainly be political here. Note that there is even a hair politics board
on this site. It is Colonel Doe`s sole purpose on these forums to contribute to making the world
a better place, and that will not happen by us just sitting around and "melodramatically"
complaining about our problems. We need to recognize that we are being mistreated. You have
the right to your opinion, but I firmly believe that justice won`t be served until all abusive parenting is recognized for what it is. This won`t detract from people appreciating the most drastic cases; it
will add, rather, to people learning to respect their children as individuals.

PS. you say smacking is illegal in England. I wish it were, but this is only strictly true for schools. Ten
countries officially ban it today, including Italy, Cyprus, Sweden (since 1979) and Croatia. But no one
has totally abolished it in the UK, though I think Scotland has considered it or is doing so.

Colonel Doe

Well Rachel, et al - then maybe you should express it differently. Saying "my mom MADE me do it" leaves some of us in a state of "huh???".

If you CHOOSE to accommodate and aren`t being unduly pressured then why have a thread telling people "I was FORCED"...gabi

Olivia - that`s why I said IF you aren`t being unduly pressured. My response was toward the defensive against the use of the word abuse. I frankly DO think a slap or any kind of physicality in regards to this IS abuse and "undue pressure"...gabi

Yesterday, I watched Oprah and Dr. Phil was lecturing a man who had come on the show to
deal with his irate nature. Every time his little daughter did anything, such as coloring and
passing the crayon onto the table, he would blow up into a fit. Dr. Phil gave him advice on how
to manage it. It is clear that he wants to stop his behavior, and he admitted that it`s really baggage
from the poor relationship he had with his father. His dad would yell for anything. But one abusive
incident was singled out to show precisely to what extent the horror was. One day, he did not do
something for school and his parents "disciplined" him by shaving his head! What were they thinking?
The sooner this kind of behavior is recognized as abuse, the better. I have to go now but I plan to
return later, I have another point to make.

Where are you from, Rachel B? It is interesting to know, when human freedom is violated,
where it happens most, from a demographic point of view. Anyway, the story of the
shaven head is brutal. Those parents must have not been very smart if they believed
they could teach their son something that way. Or maybe it`s just a pedagogy of fear.
If I were a judge, I would consider lesser punishments to be abuse.

Colonel John Doe

Well I for one am from NJ and ya people get slapped here alot. I have never been slapped spaked or any other kind of abuse... yes my family and I consider that abuse... Up until I was 11 I wanted short hair... It had ranged in that time between Mid-Back and Almost butt-length. I had started growing it when I was 4 or 5 from an already below-the-shoulder cut. My mother never let me cut it. She told me I had beautiful hair (which I did looking back on it) and that cutting it would make it to frizzy. Even though its slightly wavy I have to use alot of conditioner to eliminate frizz. Well one day I picked up this magazine and my current idol, Brittany Spears, was on the front... I no longer like her BTW... So I hacked like 2 feet off my hair so it sat on my shoulders, which was even longer than hers... I was upset it was so *long*. After that my hair stayed that length for a while... Changing the amount of layers and texture and stuff like that. Eventually I got to lazy to cut it and it got to a few inches below my shoulders... still quite short when I began to idolize Nancy McKeon... Who I still do... but anyway I maintained my langth because lucky me, I unintentionally had the same hair as her! When the 1st season of her show ended I decided to cut my hair, thinking it would be her length again by Jan when it started... Unfortuately I thought hair grew like 2 inches per month. So I cut it chin length with layers, after going into the salon telling my mother I was getting an inch of dead ends off. And just smiled and laughed and said "wow" and acted like it was no big deal. One side was longer and it was shorter than I had asked for... It was barely chin length. That was august and since then I havent gotten it cut and thinking back on it I wish my mom wouldnt have let me do the Brittney thing... I never really "liked" short hair... alot ot the time it was to short t put in a high ponytail! I jsut wore it that way because "SHORT HAIRS COOL!" no. its evil. it has alot less styling options. Im glad my mom allows me to do what I want but I kinda wish she didnt... lol... Anyway any mom who "forces" their child to cut their hair deserves to be striged up by their ankles and have their hair trimmed off with gardening sheers while upside down and have to have that done monthly for a year and see how much fun she has.

I don;t understand why mothers will let their daughter have long hair when they are young and then force them to cut it off when they are older and when hair length matters MORE to self esteem. They give the reason that it`s hard to take care of, but then WHY might I ask do they let it grow long when the girls are young. I personally believe it is their why of weilding control over their daughter.

I went through all this too. I alway had long hair, until my mother decided that "a proper girl doesn;t NEED long hair" and off it went, no ifs ands or buts about it. But I managed to "trick" her to get my hair back. It only works if mommy cuts the hair HERSELF, not if it`s scheduled with a hairdresser This is what I did. I started pinning my hair into a strick bun at the nap of my neck. It was difficult because it wasn`;t quit onlong enough. I did this everyday and since it was in a bun, it was difficult to judge how long it was growing. Out of sight, out of mind they say, and it`s true. She couldn`t see how long my hair was and so it never triggered her impulse to cut it.

Lastyear, I turned 18 and finally unleashed my hair. Everyone was surprized that I could now sit on it. People still tought of me as a 13 yr old girl with a chin length bob!

[QUOTE=Highland Colonel] This last post is very ironic. On one hand, you describe your own example of this inconsiderate
treatment and rightly call it "bullying" - on the other, you find it "insensitive and dangerous" to call
it abuse. But what is bullying but abuse, especially when it comes from the very person who should be
the most fundamentally caring and nurturing person in your life? You bet that's abuse, and calling it
by its right name does not detract from things like battering and rape. It just adds to making a more
respectful society. You say the effect has remained with you up to now yet you talk about "stronger
circumstances". My friend, I think you should look yourself in the eye and admit you've been hurt.
And consider that what is a "stronger" circumstance to one person may be a "weaker" one to another.
Some people would rather be beaten with a gunbelt than be forced to cut their hair. Do you come from
a Southern state where "whuppin'" children is common and encouraged?

I also find it ironic that you tell these girls to stand up to their mothers, yet you yourself were put
through a drastic haircut. Could you please tell us a bit more about the experience? What reasons
did your mom give for making you cut your hair, if any, and did she let you grow it back? Please describe
what happened.

Just what is it with these moms, anyway? All of a sudden they decide their daughters should have
their long hair done away with? What kind of person would do this? The answer can not be too
complex - someone who is stupidly insensitive, controlling or even sadistic.

Colonel Doe
[/QUOTE]
Not entering the debate here, just wanted to interject that...

1) As a lifelong resident of the South, "whuppin`" children isn`t encouraged.

2) Children get spanked just as much in other parts of the country. There are Wal-marts everywhere. =)

By the way, does this mean you are from one of those Northern states where everyone talks really fast and says "deese" and "dose" a lot? =)

JF

We Canadian members of the board have had to have certain things explained about the Deep
South on these forums before! One should not follow stereotypes and I do not believe that the
entire Southern United States are like that. But again, it may depend on where you grew up.
For example, it is a fact that while much of the United States has enacted laws prohibiting corporal punishment of children in schools, many Southern states have schools in which brutal paddlings are commonplace. Similarly, I know full well that not every Southern white is a bigot, but the KKK is
stronger down there than up here. I only wanted was to see demographically where these girls
were from - authoritative sources indicate that there are more harsh and authoritarian parents down
South.

Colonel John Doe

Anyone who believes they should be able to
dictate their childrens` hair appearance etc
should read the story Make Him Look Smart
on www.crewbuzz.com - It`ll make you
sick.

i dunno wha all this UK american thingy is goin on about

but anywayz :|

i had the same prob cept my mom wudnt let me cut my hair that was down to my knees

and i used ot cry and beg and she still wudnt let me :(

so i know how ya feel

i dunno wha all this UK american thingy is goin on about

but anywayz :|

i had the same prob cept my mom wudnt let me cut my hair that was down to my knees

and i used ot cry and beg and she still wudnt let me :(

so i know how ya feel